Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
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Top comments
TheSuitGuy 0
There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.
MissGreenT 0
guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL
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Comments (150)
Starchild21 3
I hope you threw your shit back at it! _________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
nokillnobeepbeep 0
It was bologna wasn't it? I would have done the same thing. Does anyone know how to make a good sammich these days!?
Starchild21 3
Your mom does :) ___________________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Snap! ******' Crackle! Pop! And yes she does! Don't be jealous because your mom only makes sammiches that don't involve food, mmhmm! :)
Aha09 1
Shitwiches?(:
Fabby_fml 2
They do have signs that say DON'T FEED THE ******* ANIMALS, y'know. The monkey was just reminding you.
Starchild21 3
Pssssh everyone knows rules are just suggestions :P _____________________________ www.myspace.com/rapid99
jjcastillo 0
"do not dive into shallow pool" "dudeeee, go for it, man...."
Peroxide 3
rules are suggestions, just like wearing pants
DynamicDave 11
Hmm...I've never seen a sign that says "don't feed the ******* animals" Besides, he didn't say the chimpanzee was having sex when he threw the sandwich...
Spurschick88 3
????
lostfaithinpppl 19
OP, you deserve to be dipped into a pile of shit. Are you too stupid or illiterate to read the signs????
SarcasticAvenger 9
Well said!
SarcasticAvenger 9
OP, are you that stupid?! I hope the crap landed in your mouth. Effing moron!
doomshark101 0
he already said it hit his shirt. stupid ass
Fucked_bad 0
guess your the real monkey ... ******* tool
ole_and_lena 0
ok did you people go to grade school at all? it's YOU'RE not YOUR. when you think about it, say YOU ARE in place and then you'll realize which one to use
Starfire22 5
"your" is so much more fun to use the "you're" because people like you get so upset about it :)
emelvin 0
HAHA. epic.
vev_fml 0
oh. guess what? like everyone else here- YDI for feeding an animal that is NOT supposed to eat sandwiches. =)
SarcasticAvenger 9
oh, and I hope it tasted nutty!