Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I found out in addition to the ADHD teenager they scream at, my boyfriend's parents are planning on getting a monkey. I work at an animal shelter, so now I'm obligated to have a long conversation with them about what a crap idea that is. FML
Today, my child was refusing to leave the playground. I had to pry her, screaming and crying, from the monkey bars. I then realized I had been assaulting someone else's kid. FML
Today, I found a decomposing hamster deep in my closet. My daughter had hidden "Peach" after accidentally killing it and said it had ran away a month ago. And I'd believed her. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
Today, it was my daughter's birthday. She had been wanting a cat for a long time, so I went to the animal shelter and got an orange one. As soon as she saw it, she ran upstairs screaming, "GINGER! GINGER!" She refuses to come downstairs until I get rid of "the soulless creature." FML
Today, our 9-year-old daughter was removed from our home and placed into a home for children too violent to function in a family setting. I can't stop crying but my wife hasn't been this happy in years. She was actually smiling as our daughter was restrained and forced out the front door. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
Charlie Given 28
Your husband probably could have approached it better but he is right! Monkeys make extremely dangerous pets, they are not meant to be pets. I knew someone who had a pet monkey that was about the size of a squirrel and it horribly maimed them!
stickyface 17
Your husband responsibly resetting her expectations to match reality is not "ruining her innocence" and does not make him a "prick". I'm thinking you may have a bigger problem with reality than your daughter has.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (5)
Charlie Given 28
Your husband probably could have approached it better but he is right! Monkeys make extremely dangerous pets, they are not meant to be pets. I knew someone who had a pet monkey that was about the size of a squirrel and it horribly maimed them!
stickyface 17
Your husband responsibly resetting her expectations to match reality is not "ruining her innocence" and does not make him a "prick". I'm thinking you may have a bigger problem with reality than your daughter has.
mike3775 39
If he didn’t show her the gruesome pictures and just told her about the incident, he isn’t a prick and did the responsible thing by telling her monkeys and chimps are dangerous to have as pets
DLBL 23
Right. It's like having a 2 year old child who NEVER grows up and wears a diaper forever and opens cupboards and is VERY high maintenance. Get a kitten instead.
GoogieWithers 25
Monkeys are not pets. Your husband showed her what happens when they are. Could he have picked a less gruesome case? Probably. But this should be shown to anyone wanting a monkey.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
"Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick"? Well, she had to learn at some point, monkeys and other primates are NOT meant to be pets for a reason. Do you expect her to be oblivious to the horrors of the real world forever?