Today, I took my daughter to the zoo. I threw a piece of my sandwich towards a very cute chimpanzee. As a thank you, he threw a piece of crap at me, which exploded all over my shirt. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I took my daughter on her first visit to the zoo. While we were watching the lemurs, some kid thought it would be funny to start shouting "MONKEY CUNTS" at them at the top of his voice. Now my daughter refuses to stop repeating the same phrase. FML
Today, I took my daughter to the zoo, because she loves tigers. Correction: she used to love tigers, until one sprayed urine on her from a distance of four meters. FML
Today, while explaining to a group of kids that monkeys are very intelligent creatures, one of them flung poo in my face. FML
Today, I came home to my daughter in her room, crying hysterically. She's been asking for a pet monkey for a few weeks, and my husband got tired of it and told her about Travis the Chimpanzee (don't look it up if you're squeamish). Thanks for ruining her innocence, prick. FML
Today, I was walking at a section of the zoo where you are in the cage, and the monkeys are climbing outside of the cage. I was having a great time until I looked up and one of the monkeys urinated all over my face. Not only did everyone see, but there was no way for me to shower for six hours. FML
Today, my family and I went to feed carrots to the giraffes at the zoo. After I finished my first cup of carrots, I turned back to get some more. Suddenly, I was jerked back and a chunk of my hair was ripped out. The giraffe mistook the orange barrette in my hair for a carrot. FML
Today, my family, including my 2 year old niece, went to the zoo. We were at the lion exhibit. I was holding my niece so she could get a better view of the lions. As I was holding her, the lions started to roar. She got so scared that she peed. Her diaper wasn't very absorbent, but my shirt was. FML
Today, my daughter was playing outside. I was watching her from the window, and I saw her pick up a dead bird. I ran outside to grab her. As I picked her up and started scolding her, she tried to scratch my face. In the attempt, her hand went straight into my mouth. FML
Today, I was punched in the balls by a monkey. FML
Today, I walked in on my dad introducing his stuffed gorilla to his cat. FML
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Top comments
TheSuitGuy 0
There's a reason the signs say 'Don't feed the animals'.
MissGreenT 0
guess you could say you had a shitty day? FYL
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Comments (150)
BikerMike 0
monkies and chimps love to throw shit a people.
CallMeHush 1
Why would you give a chimp a sammich? Are you in a relationship with it? That might explain the poo fling also, Bobo's way of saying your a shit.
doomshark101 0
that was ******* stupid
cryssycakesx3 23
I wish people would just say "sandwich." "sammich" doesn't sounds cute or funny.
BunnyDrastic 0
Sadly they don't understand ur reward ritual
lemony_fml 0
Since when did shit explode?
confizzled 0
Since now
expen_dable 0
You know what he means, its just a way to describe it, yes we all know shit doesn't actually explode, get over yourself.
Reese899 0
1) That's what signs that say "Please do not feed the animals" are for 2) Chimps are the ugliest creatures i've ever seen. How could you think those ugly bastards are cute? 3) Since when does shit explode?
kevind23 0
Because OP and you are two different people? Wait, nevermind, because the universe exists only for you.
sorrysweety 0
Got to agree with number #1 i worked at a zoo for a couple of years.
Digithead 0
chimps are apes, not monkeys.
acenima 0
aww sucks u got shit on u
Unsure_1 0
This is why some rules are not meant to be broken. YDI.
Unsure_1 0
This is why some rules are not meant to be broken.