Today, I texted my boyfriend saying that I couldn't wait for him to get home and see my costume, and that I had dressed up as a naked lady. He texted back asking if I could dress up as someone who was making dinner instead. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I texted my boyfriend of 6 months saying that I was in the mood, and that I was in bed, and naked. He texted back saying "U got fingers, use them, im going to bed xoxo". FML
Today, when my husband got home from work, I was standing in the kitchen, wearing nothing but stilletos. He asked me to make him hot chocolate. FML
Today, I told my boyfriend that my fantasy was for him to eat me out on the dinner table. My boyfriend told me his was me in a Pikachu costume. FML
Today, my fiancé texted me, saying he'd been masturbating to pictures of me. I told him that I couldn't wait to get home and take care of him. He replied, "Nah, don't bother, I got this." Now I'm horny and sad. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were sexting, and he asked me if I would be naked and waiting for him when he got home. When he told me he was on his way, I took my clothes off and got into bed. What he didn’t tell me was he was bringing friends to pick up a desk from our place for their office. FML
Today, I sent my boyfriend a text asking him to come over a little later and have some "fun" with me. He texted back, "WTF babe? Breaking Bad's on tonight. You got a dildo, fucking use it." FML
Today, I got dressed up in lingerie for my boyfriend. He looked at me, said, "Nice," then went back to watching TV and drinking beer. FML
Today, I was sending my boyfriend dirty texts to try and turn him on so when I see him the next day he will want to get intimate. Twenty minutes later he texts back, "ew stop." FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend what he was being for Halloween. He said "Single". FML
Today, I put my boyfriend's t-shirt on and took sexy pictures with nothing else but panties. I then sent him the pictures. His reply was, "Can you wash that when you're done?" FML
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Top comments
bladomas 2
why not both? serve him while naked
ManInTheMachine 20
I think you took him too literally, OP. Guys are crazy about the kinky cook. Just put on an apron, start cooking, and pasta might not be the only thing on the menu. ;)
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Comments (67)
doglover100 29
Dinner in the nude.
JRSOne 5
These ones remind me of movies that's the only time someone is serious when they talk like that. If your S/O is really honestly like that and he TRULY meant that.. In my opinion it's time to leave. But if I had to guess he was being facetious
_TheAtheist_ 10
To all the feminist tweens commenting: the text was clearly an attempt at some light hearted humor. I could easily imagine doing the same to my girlfriend, but I would never treat her like she exists to serve me. Lighten up.
yentlben 2
Dress up as the UPS person and ship his belongings elsewhere.
chinagirl3343 8
I would've replied back "no, but you can dress up as a guy sleeping on the couch". Lol
SquishFish 15
If he's hungry, then it's not going anywhere! Low blood sugar definitely doesn't help romance ;)
droln4maltesers 8
And this is the part where you reply back with something witty... My boyfriend will say that crap to me and I reply back with something even wittier which cracks him up. Oh and he's making us dinner right now soooo it looks like I'm doing something right
petshark 4
ooooooold and annoying!
Jirekianu2 19
Gotta love the attitude that a guy is an asshole when not in the mood. And that it's okay for him to be pressured into sex. But if you switch those circumstances the guy pressuring for sex is an inconsiderate douche.
Kyo22 5
Every year I look for a girl to do tht for me