Today, I surprised my boyfriend with a bag containing condoms and sexy lingerie. He looks into it and says, "I hope you kept the receipt." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while my boyfriend was packing for his annual hunting trip, I saw him slip a box of condoms into his bag. FML
Today, I was at the store, when I saw my boyfriend in line in front of me. I looked to see what he was purchasing; it was a pack of condoms. When I questioned him, he said that, "They're for us, babe!" We already have an unopened pack at home, and it's my time of the month. FML
Today, per my boyfriend's request, I bought some lingerie. He got so excited when he saw me, he ripped it off me right away. After we were done he used it to clean up. I essentially bought a $40 cum rag. FML
Today, I had two surprises for my boyfriend who was at work. One was a dessert and the other was sexy lingerie. He chose the dessert. Then told me I was an idiot. FML
Today, my boyfriend confided to me that he has a used condom collection. When I reacted with disgust, he "reassured" me that he only keeps the ones he uses with me. FML
Today, I wore my boyfriend's favorite shirt to surprise him and show him how sexy I look. He made me take it off and pay the bill for dry cleaner. FML
Today, I wanted to surprise my boyfriend by dressing up in sexy lingerie. When I went to answer the door he was standing there with a shocked expression, his friends parked in the driveway had the same expression as well. He came to break up with me. He told me after we had sex. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me lingerie from Victoria's Secret. He then added that his mother picked it out. FML
Today, my boyfriend's friends were throwing him a surprise birthday party. I thought it'd be funny to get him some fuzzy handcuffs and a box of condoms as a gift. They never told me they invited his parents. FML
Today, I surprised my boyfriend by buying him an expensive watch for his birthday. He responded with "Aww, you could've just given me head, babe." FML
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Top comments
XxNINJA_28xX 8
He wants the extra small ones.
DocBastard 40
The sexy lingerie you should keep. The asshole boyfriend...not so much.
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Comments (118)
alicianoar 7
Did you?
zandalee 20
.... Wait Where did the FML go about the babysitter who got caught peeing in the sink?
jacsoccerdude3 10
Economy is tough. Op, you shouldn't be so impulsive.
ruabadfishtoo 0
Because condoms cost so much, right?
toelie 26
Who'd have thought? Everybody's blaming the banks but turns out it was safe sex that caused the economic crisis.
CanWeMicrowaveIt 11
60, actually here in Texas it's 15 bucks for a pack of 8 -.- it's like they don't want us to have safe sex D:
jacsoccerdude3 10
60- someone obviously doesn't buy condoms. Or sees how much a girl can spend on lingerie.
coldashell 23
78, upon my recent visit to Texas I found that the price of condoms is actually about $12-$14 for an economy pack. And condoms are usually sold in 3 and 12. Not sure where you get your rubbers.
xxmollyxx 25
That's an odd thing to say. It feels like some context is required. But that was a mean thing to say anyway. FYL.
xlord 27
The context is that the bag was plastic and he hates supporting organizations which give plastic bags
gc327072 31
29/ how the hell did you come up with that?!
iOceanus 18
2 - Context isn't necessarily needed to get the point across, but I'm curious as well as to why he said that. Personally, if my girl did this for me, I would say, "sooooo... my whole afternoon just opened up," but that's just me.
noik01 13
Maybe they were having money problems
XxNINJA_28xX 8
He wants the extra small ones.
Inheritance 10
Nah he prefers flavored.
onlychildFTW 34
They must have been too big. It's the only conclusion as to why he wouldn't like that gesture.
Bullpine 11
Why would he want flavored ones? Is he going to perform autofellatio during their sexy times?
ArbiterOfFML 24
LOLOL ?
traveler_ghost 12
BF: What? We have to do this again? no screw that, where's the receipt?
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
Ha. Ha.
onlychildFTW 34
No. That was horribly lame. We all agreed the small condoms were too big. He needs XXS ones.
Ugi 27
What exactly does he have to lose here? It was your money and if it makes you feel sexier then he will benefit even if he doesn't turn him on directly. Madness.
rasengan1544 12
Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!!!!!!! Sorry couldn't resist
walmartpaysme 15
Who says it was OP's money? Some couples share their money even if they aren't married.
iTsbSkuLLy 8
Maybe he wanted to see how much it cost OP.
EvilPotato 15
Yes! Exactly maybe OP's BF was being pro-active and didn't want his loving girlfriend to spend to much on him! Or maybe not.
brittanyrmh_ 12
... But probably not.
landcfan 6
Maybe he thought the lingerie was for him to wear, since you handed it to him?
WritingWrongs 8
Or maybe he wanted to pick out lingerie with her?
ICastillo 25
Or maybe he prefers her with no lingerie on...
Sandsh8rk 36
Maybe he just wants to get a tax return on it?
jmayes414 5
You know, because it's a waste of money to buy sexy clothes when you could just be naked all the time! That's what he's trying to say, right?
MrForgetable 0
I second that notion!
DocBastard 40
The sexy lingerie you should keep. The asshole boyfriend...not so much.
patrickalamo 48
Boyfriend just used his 1st right of refusal. Now you can go make the offer elsewhere.