Today, I sneezed. My boyfriend told me to shut up. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Same thing different taste
Tension
Today, my boyfriend's parents visited us. When everyone was chatting in the room, I needed to go to the bathroom. I got up and wanted to walk away when I sneezed, and farted at the same time. I thought they didn't hear it, until my boyfriend's brother said, "That wasn't just a sneeze was it?" FML
Today, I sneezed so hard I fell down the stairs. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML
Today, I tried kissing my boyfriend on the tip of his nose. He sneezed mid-kiss and headbutted me. Now, there's just an awkward silence. FML
Today, my boyfriend was about to sneeze. To avoid getting his new tablet wet, he chose to sneeze right into my face instead. FML
Today, while giving a speech at work, I started sneezing. After what seemed to be the last sneeze, I went on talking. Apparently it wasn't, and I blew out my eardrum. FML
Today, I witnessed my boyfriend sneeze in his hands, and then lick it. FML
Behave yourselves
Today, I got sneezed on by a fully grown man. FML
Bad timing, dude
Today, in the middle of asking my girlfriend to marry me, I sneezed so hard that I farted. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard that I re-dislocated my shoulder. FML
Top comments
DocBastard 40
"Shut up" is one of those phrases that people who respect each other shouldn't say. My wife and I haven't said that in over 15 years. We prefer "**** you, asshole."
Bubbelz 25
Next time sneeze silently, in his face.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (127)
mlnicholas 14
My husband tells me to shut up when I have the hiccups.
slickchrome 11
Cool story bro
LightningCactus 12
Isn't that pleasant.
lsfactor 4
Shut up
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Shut up, Meg!
Neyuu 18
She doesn't even go here!
AKGirlinSD 20
The FML post reminds me of Seinfeld, when Jerry tells anyone who sneezes, "You're soooo good looking!" I know it is the opposite of what the husband said, who sounds like a jerk, but that was the fiesta thing that came to my mind. I'm sorry you're married to a guy who's rude, OP.
billyz77 24
#1, is that why he keeps you locked up behind that fence, too? Just bite him.
mlnicholas 14
Haha, he's not rude. I actually find it funny because the more I try to stop hiccuping, the worse it gets.
taranpreet 7
I tell people to shut up when they're coughing and I'm trying to sleep.
Myo_fml 20
Yes, because people can just all up and completely control their cough to please you. The last I checked, most coughing is involuntary.
Jiinxx 8
I struggle with coughing at night (and the day) cause of a respiratory condition I have. it can't be cured. there's nothing more annoying than someone who tells me to shut up when I clearly can't control it.
OuchAndGoodfight 5
You can control it. It is quite difficult. Do you have the will power and brain power to do so?
asnakelovinbabe 16
Sorry #62, but some coughing is completely involuntary. You can hold some of it back, but when your body truly needs to cough, no amount of concentrating will save you. The part of your brain that's forcing a cough will override your willpower, just like when you forcibly need to vomit.
ironic_legacy 9
I tell people to shut up when they're sleeping and I'm trying to cough
AKGirlinSD 20
64 is right on point. Many times, if you try to not cough and clear your throat, the cough will end up lasting longer and be even louder. It's best to just get it over with when a cough/coughing attack appears.
DDCA 24
You sound like a bitch.
claudio117 12
So when he told you to slow down you said shut up
CheckItOutItsYou 7
You should re read the post and try again
Neyuu 18
You know it's love when he's a jerk to your face.
Bubbelz 25
Next time sneeze silently, in his face.
superrocket19 17
Stop commenting because all you get is negative votes.
daminantion 14
34- you're 13, I thought you had to be 18+ to comment?
Nintystar98 8
Nope. You can comment as soon as you have an account.
IIFenix 3
Ummm 34 I hate to be the person to burst you're bubble.....but......you child are the only one getting thumbed down....
lovelyohhmee 8
No one is the age their suppose to be anymore. It's not like the computer asks for your ID before singing up for things.
asnakelovinbabe 16
I bet I am not the only one who thumbed up 7 and thumbed down 34 out of pure spite.
billyz77 24
I do believe you'd win that bet, 65.
DDCA 24
Don't you have to go through puberty before you can comment?
slickchrome 11
People commonly say "bless u" when we sneeze. Maybe he's not religious
The_F3rris 11
Im not religious but i still say "bless you" out of common courtesy.
DocBastard 40
*Psst* F3rris...it's a joke.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Come on Doc, religion ain't no joke!!
hippo1234 19
Were the two extra letters in "you" really that hard to add?
syshalifax 2
Gasunheit...
cupcakechick 17
its no big deal, he was probably just trying to do something
superrocket19 17
Like what piece of sh*t comment is this?
cupcakechick 17
im trying to look on the bright side asshole, you don't need to be a tight ass about it
GrammarNazis 6
Congratulations, this was possibly the greatest FML comment ever! Your prize will be getting thumbed down by everyone else here!
GrammarNazis 6
Looking at the bright side is good. Saying that he "did something" is not so good.
wlddog 14
I automatically hate you GrammarNazis, simply because if your name. And I am sure the OP's husband was just messing with her.
cupcakechick 17
I agree @54 its FML not a letter to the president, like no one will really use proper grammar on here except for people like him, its sooo annoying, u make a mistake and everyone is down ur throat about it
wannabesinger 16
Should I be the asshole that corrects you to *of?
asnakelovinbabe 16
This comment wins the Internet for today. From now on this will be how I try to comfort anyone I see get treated like crap. I can see it now. I'll be all like, It's no big deal, he was probably just trying to do something. And that person will just hug me and be like thank you SO much for helping and supporting me in my time of need.
buddy51 23
He's probably going to yell "stop it!" If you're bleeding from slicing your nether regions while shaving! Sounds like a keeper OP!!
GrammarNazis 6
Yes, and he's also going to complain about how he and her ex have the same name. Oh yeah, amd also how she bangs her head in the shower.
Nintystar98 8
Wow, two other FML references. Is that some kind of record?
vadaaa 11
Correction, 47. Two shitty and irrelevant* FML references.
cupcakechick 17
yo mister grammar Nazi, its and* not amd
botanistjessica 24
There's not much I am irritated by more than poser wannabes. Like grammarnazis with terrible grammar and spelling skills.
EpicSquishii 21
69- You have grammar and spelling mixed up, fool. Try again.
cupcakechick 17
@78 no, he spelt and wrong, his name is grammar Nazi, I never said he had wrong grammar, re-read before u post
ilovedinosawers 17
84 you don't seem to be in much of a position to be correcting spelling anyway. Also, it was just a typo, not like he actually says "amd" all the time, since he clearly spelled it correctly the first time.
wjh100 13
I know this is a crazy thought, but most "grammar nazis" proof read their sentences, paragraphs, written work etc. so yes he is a poser wannabe for spelling "and" wrong.
cupcakechick 17
@93 I know how to spell but like I keep telling people im on FML, im gunna abbreviate words like you and your and etc, its just people like him "grammar Nazi" who are constantly correcting people, like its stupid, were online, not writting a letter. Im online to enjoy myself, I purposely say u and ur and idk, do I need need some ass hole trying to look smart by correcting me, like holy shit. and most of the time they correct people is when they make a typo, so **** man
Zen_Mei 17
That's inconsiderate and rude
SuperDanielNL 23
Has he got sand in his ******?
LebanonBaby 26
LMAAAAOOOOOO !!!!