Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
roadracer39 5
3 words: you're an idiot
slinkydee 2
red rocket!
im_bored_tired 12
I like pie. do you like pie? OP- time to learn about the birds and the bees.
skyeyez9 25
My dog lets his hang out every time he sits down. Which is quite gross and the reason I will only have female dogs from now on.
Kiraro 0
If female dogs aren't fixed, they go into heat. When they go into heat, they bleed from their ******. You can't win.
bigscarybunny95 0
Wow...
kittea86 0
people should have to take iq tests to get a pet. my dog did that when i was little and even then i knew what it was. hope finding that out was worth the expensive vet fee
buddmoney 0
this is not true you asked your mommy not the vet
EmilyFelton98 0
Fail....
mitchestate 6
Hahahaha!!!!
tacovingtonboy 10
you r the dumbest **** i have ever heard of