Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (394)
haily333 0
he was obviously exited about something
Thrasher91 0
Paris Hilton?
Boomer21 0
Slimy? So you touched your dog's penis OP? YDI
bigdaddy907 0
you've got to be the biggest dumbass!
ballesteros1992 0
i would call you stupid but has been sone too many times already...
flexablebabe111 0
haha silly op. I was sitting in the kitchen with the new puppy we got and my mom looks down and he has a red rocket.... she screamed... my dad said wtf... and I imediatly left the room. my mother is so stupid. we've had 3 other male dogs...
lgriffin86 0
jackass. maybe you shouldn't own a pet just for that reason. I knew that when I was a baby!
ChiFan96 3
Assholes removed my comment! Who doesn't like facepalms?
special_k_dog 0
this is the funniest thing I've heard all day lol :)))
ImAKittehCat 0
RED ROCKET RED ROCKET