Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (394)
hightechlimos 3
just when i thought nobody can be this stupid i stand corrected
FATTY_MCDOOGLE 29
You are literally too stupid to insult.
bleedlikeagod 6
please don't breed. That kind of stupidity shouldn't be passed on.
SlaveToRetail 10
I wonder how many of these idiot moments YOU'VE had? As if you're so perfect.
bieberhole69 0
red rockets yumm
ROTFL_Kitty 0
wow you haven't had a dog before huh?
lupefiascosfan 4
Punch your self.
superpacker85 0
nehhh whats up doc? (bugs bunny voice)
zacheimz 0
why were you looking at his dick? Dog Pedifile
acdc923 0
You're such a stupid... No jk that's embarrassing
tamoodielovesmar 1
i can only imagine.......its a boy! what! how cid that happpen?