Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to pry my sister's used tampon out from between my dog's jaws. FML
Today, I was picking up after my dog with a poo baggie over my hand, like a mitten. Too bad the bottom ripped open and my bare hand poked through it just as I grabbed a big handful of steaming dog turd. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, I was playing tug of war with my dog. She let go and I ended up punching myself in the mouth. My lip is still swollen. FML
Today, I pulled a muscle in my arm while wiping my butt. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, I was babysitting for a new family. While the father was telling me about bed times and how to reach him, their dog started humping my leg. As I tried to discreetly push the dog away, his paw got caught in the pocket of my huge sweatpants, pulling them down. I was wearing a thong. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, a dog bit me, tearing a hole through my sweatpants, my shorts, and my underwear, all to get at the dog treat I'd hidden in my pocket. FML
Today, I accidentally slapped myself in the face with my belt when I pulled it from my belt loops too quickly. FML
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Top comments
Zack6849 8
How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.
Chelsea_bella 20
You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.
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Comments (120)
ballsacks33 17
Nasty
domking1315 20
I wish you well on your journey as you get downvoted into next year #1
gotaplanstan 28
There and Back Again: A Shitty #1 Poster's Tale
Zimmington 21
That comment is like a slap in the face
br00kr 22
You know you don't have to always downgrade the first just because they were the first.
chlorinegreen 27
We're not. If it had been a intelligent, well thought out answer, it wouldn't have been down voted so much. He just said the obvious. Of course it was nasty, it was a poopy slap to the face.
Treveyon56 14
Wow some of you are just....you know I'm not sure if there a word that I can use to true show how I feel. So basically if someone's comment isn't up to you standards it's crap. I understand that the first was stating the obvious, but what is wrong with that? You expect everyone to put a Well thought out comment just because you'd prefer that.
Treveyon56 14
Oh forgot one last part to my comment. I know I'm going to get down voted but who cares. It really doesn't mean shit.
RoboCunnilingus 23
Don't be so hard on #1. He was dealt a shit hand.
Nordrag 26
59/60 - I'm not much a fan of grammar nazis, but would you please learn the English language before you try to make a comment.
Treveyon56 14
Actually I know English very well. I just want to see how many people I could irritated with bad grammar.
ast3150 13
I don't think so either...
specialeducation 12
Your name is Ballsack, yet you can still call people nasty?
SomeRandomGuy15 18
75- Uh huh. Sure. Good excuse. By the way, if downvotes don't mean anything, why do you care so much about people thumbing down 1?
Treveyon56 14
I wasn't t as talking about the down votes dumb ass. I was talking about a comment made.
Potatobacon 6
@103 it's not your fault. It's not your fault. It's not your fault.
Zack6849 8
How the hell did a toy hand get up your dog's ass? on second thought, don't want to know.
icecreamdriveby 5
I'm going to assume the dog ate it and it didn't pass through properly. My dog ate a balloon once.. That was fun
lennelleong 33
Sorry OP, this was funny though! Get prepared with a hockey or fencing mask - and you were wearing gloves this time i hope! (:
swordidfate 13
Thanks 49 now I'm picturing a dog blowing up a balloon out his ass
SonOfAMitch 14
Guess it was a shitty bitch slap to the face..
capscorner01 5
I'm with u on that one
Isa_fml 20
The dog probably ate it, jackass.
austinj776 3
but you know the dog shit in it on purpose so when you pop the balloon,
darkfireflame 15
He ate it and it came out his butt.
Flowtastic 16
Keep your dog safe from those things next time?
ilianaaa 8
Hahahaha that's disgusting but really funny
Mimorie17 12
Ooooh thats just nasstttyy.
Neyuu 18
*Z formation snap*
Justine94_x 31
I read that in Cleveland's voice haha
vbecka 17
that's shitty, op. however, be glad that it wasn't your butt that needed a good stretching out!
BlowinChronic 18
What. The. ****.
anythingmustbe 18
I don't know why but I started laughing when I read this.
Chelsea_bella 20
You got the shit slapped out of you while at the same time, getting the shit slapped onto you.
Pesticides 19
the real question is, why was it in your dogs ass?
dallaschloe2 15
probably ate it and it passed through. Naturally
Aero_x 21
Hope your mouth was closed :(
idgafSOstfu 15
Well this FML is disturbing.
LyricaSilvan 30
I almost hate to say this because it feels like a bad pun, but... No shit, Sherlock.
dawood_k 27
I agree with Zack...how the hell did the toy get into the dogs butthole... I think you might be a bit sick yourself doing these things... The smack was probably just karma
EpicSquishii 21
The dog had eaten it, obviously.
RedPillSucks 33
While it's obvious, the alternative (OP shoving toys up the dogs butt) makes for an interesting FML also. It makes you wonder about the people whose first thought is not that the dog ate the toy, but some weird fetish alternative explanation.
Treveyon56 14
I know. It's reasons like this why I've lost all faith in humans. I mean some people can't take a moment to just think "Oh the dog ate it".