Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
ChiFan96 3
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ChiFan96 3
Wtf-I can't delete it
M0rt 0
That's what you get for not knowing what a penis is. Anyone else thinkin of 40 year-old virgin?
flamminbunny 2
u need a v8!
PGDesigns 0
Just a note, dogs like to keep the weapon holstered at most times, so stop petting him in that special way.
derskittles 5
Virgin?
Mystery_Machete 2
Your knowledge of your dog is astounding. Maybe use the internet you used to post this to, I don't know, avoid wasting a trip to the vet?
CaughtChaLookin 0
U STUPID
dvdp112 0
call your dog a bitch.. no wait go find him a bitch so put in work with his red rocket. lol
dvdp112 0
the first time on FML that using the word bitch is actually the best solution...
ifmlftw 0
are you An idiot?
cherriekerrie 0
My male dog has never done that. He's not even nuetered. Is that a problem? D:
hottottie 0
I'm sure he has.. you just haven't seen it.
cherriekerrie 0
How the blarg did this get four votes down...? Anyways, if you know enough about dogs you know they're ALWAYS around you. I would have noticed.
cherriekerrie 0
Oh, and if the four votes down was because he's not nuetured- it's because he's a purebred breeding dog. Sorry, we don't all own shelter mutts.