Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I had to pull one of those toy stretchy hands out of my dog's butthole. It slapped me in the face when I finally got it out. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I was walking a dog at the animal hospital where I work when it pooped out a rag-like object. I told the doctor, who told me to clean it off to see what it was. It was a rainbow-colored thong. We have to give it back to the owner when they pick their dog up. FML
Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, I was doing laundry at work. I work at a spay/neuter clinic and was about to throw in a load of towels when I noticed something in the washer. It looked like one of the detergent packets we use. It was a testicle. FML
Today, I was walking my dog and he stopped to take a crap. While he was doing his business, I saw something white coming out of his butt that just wouldn't budge. He started whimpering and I stepped in to help him. I pulled out an entire plastic bag. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
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Top comments
paigemosier 1
the ****
chimp4494 0
first time having a dog?
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Comments (394)
big_jazz19 5
haha you fucken dumbass
iDONTNO54 0
Wiat until she sees him f**king another dog
droxd923 0
I bet you touched it
xjmltx 0
idiot!
john_wolffe 2
OP's never seen a penis before, she's a fat virgin
thetrollyoulike 6
"Red Rocket sparkey, red rocket!" -South Park
SteveOsWifey 5
okk? how old are u?
CatMeister 0
That really is very sad. How did she go through life without learning that?
xNephilim 19
Probably because almost no situation in life requires knowledge about the dog penis. On a different note, do Americans really give a dog's penis nicknames? Red rocket? Pink lipstick? I've never heard of that.
dannnngthatsux 19
#371, it's not like there's some class you have to take, generally the first time a dog humps you or you see it hump something else..."Ow...That hurt...oh that's nasty." I grew up with a fixed Doberman who 'got 'hard' any time he was around a woman on her period. Go figure.
Stroke_Her_Ace 15
I bet you're gonna be the kinda person that tries to pull him apart when he's mating aren't you? I predict a long line of aggravation in his future, poor dog.
ReynshineCutting 10
Umm...most people try to pull apart their dogs during mating.
kalbrek009 20
um, most people who try to "pull their digs apart" while mating are in fact, RETARDS. Since there is what's referred to as a "knot" keeping the male inside of the female and to "pull" them apart can lead to 1. damage to the male's penis & 2. tear the females vaginal canal. why do people who own pets not do research before getting one is just plain ignorance. you totally fail if you've tried to pull dogs apart.
ReynshineCutting 10
If you pull them apart right as the male mounts you won't hurt them. If you catch them in the act just beat the male senseless until he dismounts.
CallMeHush 1
He likes you. Go ahead, touch it, you know you want to.
im_bored_tired 12
dog fap
munkeyboom123 0
not funny.