Today, my 14-year-old son asked his dog what she was chewing on. It wasn't until he picked it up said, "Is this what I think it is?" that I realized my son was gripping my vibrator. As I took it outside, mortified, he told his sister. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was talking to my mother when we both heard a continuous buzzing noise. Unable to locate the source of the noise we gave up. About an hour later, my mother yells down the stairs to me. Turns out my dog stole my vibrator, chewed it and presented it to my mother. FML
Today, I walked in on my teenage son passionately making out with one of his sister's Barbie dolls. FML
Today, I caught my dog chewing on a tampon applicator. I tried to grab it from him, but he wanted to play "keep away" and ran outside. Like a dumbass, I chased after him in my underwear, earning myself the attention of my neighbors on each side of my driveway. FML
Today, my 14-year-old son showed me a "bird's egg" he was looking after in his room. It was a dried up dog turd. FML
Today, I needed money to go to the movie. I asked my mom if I could reach in her purse and grab a few bucks. When I opened up her purse her phone started to vibrate. I yelled over to my mom that her phone was ringing. She said the phone was next to her. I looked in the purse. It was a vibrator. FML
Today, while I was at my job as senior care, I was in a client's home vacuuming the carpet and found a very used vibrator that belonged to his wife. It wasn't clean. FML
Today, my mother was cleaning out my underwear drawer and found my vibrator. Everytime I see her in the hall, she just cracks up and makes jokes about how I can't get a guy, so I have to rely on electronics. What's worse, she told my dad AND posted a status on facebook about it. FML
Today, I pulled a white cloth with string on the end from my dog's mouth. I then realized I was holding my sister's used tampon. FML
Today, my mother called me at work, freaking out about my dog, so I panicked. What was wrong? He had a hard-on and she'd never seen that happen before. FML
Today, I handed my mother-in-law my phone to see the toy that I was going to get for my nephew. While she had the phone, it swiped away to my last search of… vibrators and sex toys. I have no idea if she saw it before she handed me my phone back, saying, "It went away." FML
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Top comments
real life problems 26
Well that's one way to start the 'birds and bees' talk.
Ashamed_Sister 60
In order to grow up children need to push their parents from their pedestals. You made it easier for them to realize their mother is only a normal human being with her own needs... and of course you've provided a nice and funny anecdote to laugh about.
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Comments (10)
real life problems 26
Well that's one way to start the 'birds and bees' talk.
RichardPencil 32
You’re mortified? Wait until your son figures out he basically had his hand all up in Mom’s vajayjay. The therapy bills will be staggering!
Ashamed_Sister 60
In order to grow up children need to push their parents from their pedestals. You made it easier for them to realize their mother is only a normal human being with her own needs... and of course you've provided a nice and funny anecdote to laugh about.
Charlie Given 28
I guess the dog thought that your bone was his bone 😂😂😏
Ashamed_Sister 60
The dog couldn't distinguish between a bone and some sort of a plastic boner.
Burle 17
Why would he pick it up if he had some idea what it was??
Glowworm56 27
I like how your son first asked your dog what she was chewing on. She probably had no idea either.
AzrielB 8
You better put the dog down, once they get the taste for human flesh there's no going back.
cylon_god 4
Just tell them you won't pay for college if they say a word to anyone else. Or wait for the dog to dig up some dirt on these two.