Today, I got out of the shower and noticed a tiny leaf on my penis. With legs. Squirming. I have a new nickname. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend named my penis "little baby carrot." FML
Today, I took a piss while doing yard work. Later, to my horror, I discovered that I had touched poison oak at some point. My penis is now blistered and swollen. FML
Today, I found a bug under my foreskin. FML
Today, I realized that the fish-shaped birth mark on the back of my leg, that I have had all my life, is not really shaped like a fish as I had originally thought. It looks just like a penis. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I got a lovely little surprise after I got out of the shower. That lovely little surprise? I got stung in the scrotum by a hornet that had decided to nestle itself inside the towel I was drying off with. FML
Today, I saw a pink, slimy thing coming out of my dog's knob. I got really freaked out so I took him to the vet, only to find out that it was his penis. FML
Today, I took a dump in the woods at a secluded lake. I used the leaves of a seemingly harmless tree to clean myself. However, I was unaware that the leaf was poisonous. It feels like a thousand hornets are attacking my ass-crack. FML
Today, I was about to get in the shower, when I felt an odd itch in my navel. I saw what I thought was bellybutton lint, so I pulled on it, and quickly realized what I had between my fingers was a still-squirming, headless tick. FML
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Top comments
itssnotfunny 24
Well why'd you tell people about it? Nobody would have known to call you that. You must have expected something like that.?
blaisems 5
i bet that'll be the only thing sucking your dick for a while lol
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Comments (8)
andiT_T 9
Would that nickname be Groot
itssnotfunny 24
Well why'd you tell people about it? Nobody would have known to call you that. You must have expected something like that.?
IDK XD 1
Ummm... What was it?
biochem19 5
Check OPs name
blaisems 5
i bet that'll be the only thing sucking your dick for a while lol
species4872 20
Think you got it bad, just think what the tiny "leaf" friends are calling him.
GhostFox 34
...the only place this makes sense to occur at, from my point of view, is at some sort of communal camp and that another camper saw the tick first. Also, can I say "ouch" given how painful tick removal can be? And OP possibly was exposed to Lyme disease on top of that. That seems like more of a FML than the nickname.
thelittlem 15
the name is OPs name....