Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
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Comments (178)
SeniorHaG 4
That's nasty... But at least she tried...? >.>
mhopper 13
Sounds like a keeper!
JJJJJakkkkeee 6
Maybe you shouldn't have kissed her after she called you "a spork on legs"
a_commenter 3
You mean that wasn't a compliment? I would be honoured to be compared to the gorgeous yet unnecessary piece of cutlery that is the spork
laden_swallow09 35
Or slurring anything, for that matter.
Hiimhaileypotter 53
Why would you kiss her after she called you "a spork on legs"? Just curious... #15 beat me to it -.-
jenniiienyc 5
Wow. I've never considered insulting someone with the word spork, but I'm going to start. I like it.
red225 14
This is a reason why people don't kiss and tell.
GigiMcGee 9
More like a reason why you don't kiss a drunk who called you a spork.
perdix 31
When you have a big, white head, you don't draw attention to it by getting a spiky haircut.
JimSweatshirt 6
Thumb me down but i don't get it. Sorry perdix outta respect
JimSweatshirt 6
Ohhhhhhhhhhh i ger it now. Sorry I'm drunk so it took me a little to get it
ebonyirony 29
I'm drunk. I got it.
SystemofaBlink41 27
126- wow you even punctuated correctly!
jizzwold 21
I've been huffing jenkem all day and I got it. On a related note have you guys noticed that the color yellow tastes like a ringing noise?
SupaHotFire 4
So it was that kind of party? ;) lol
janeska1231 1
That goes to show u. U can find love in the club. LMAO
saintsrocksocks 10
No. Just no.
Crankenstein_92 4
A spork on legs? I think she's into you man.
RinaOfTheDead 0
It's a common compliment nowadays, OP should really get hip with it. Also vomiting in the mouth automatically means she wants sex.