Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, the girl I’ve been trying to date not only agreed to a date, she invited me back to her place because the date went so well. We were kissing so hard, I struggled to breathe, I coughed, gagged, then vomited my seafood dinner all over her yellow sofa. It all went downhill from there. FML
Today, a coworker invited me out for a date, totally out of the blue. I had no idea she liked me, but I did my best to impress. She ordered the most expensive steak on the menu, two bottles of wine, and eventually picked up and went home with our waiter. I got the bill. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to a restaurant we both like. By the end of the date, we were fighting and she angrily broke up with me. To make things worse, I got food poisoning. She didn't. FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I was cuddling in bed with my girlfriend after a night of heavy drinking. She rolled towards me, looked me in the eyes and sweetly said, "I love you". Her morning breath was so bad that I had to jump up and rush to the bathroom to vomit, leaving a trail along the way. FML
Today, I was on a date and I began pretending to know a lot about wine. I swirled the glass too hard under my nose and splashed red wine all over myself. I spent the rest of the date smelling like a bottle bank. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
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Top comments
xxmollyxx 25
Lol, that sounds beautiful and romantic.
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In some cultures, vomiting on your food is considered respectable and a sign of favor in the locals' eyes.
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Comments (128)
xxmollyxx 25
Lol, that sounds beautiful and romantic.
derschadenfreude 5
whoa! you got the first post!
lacho95 4
HAHAHAHAAHAHAHHA FTW!!!@!
neonokku 0
why would she kiss you if she threw up? o.o
FritoLovesYou 0
That's the ******* point, #38.
hazer 3
Funny, my dates always seem to get sick from the rohypnol in their wine, not the wine itself.
Failzoid 0
It would have been beautiful and romantic. If it wasn't so gross. Also.. Wtf? Is this the second Olive Garden FML today?
jason2468 0
that's gross not disgusting
Xaujin 0
hah. 53
toch040 0
53 - Sick people are less fun to rape
Miss_Represented 0
You're dumb, why'd you let the floozy kiss you? Naaaasty!
ezioaudatore 0
#13 you fail #1 wins for not claiming he/she got the first comment
Dmars444 4
yeah dude you won quit complaining
Brave_Sir_Robin 4
In some cultures, vomiting on your food is considered respectable and a sign of favor in the locals' eyes.
Armin_fml 0
exactly what I was thinking! :D
lizzilla8297 2
ewwwww!
beepelati 5
#2 actually, it's not vomiting, it's burping. it's a sign that you liked your food in Arabic culture.
griffmo24 0
#97 it was a joke
m0riendi 0
FYL
alexFYL 11
Just for people who can't handle it... it saves all the wine for people like me who drink like a fish! buahaha
elenaa_fml 0
Today, I got a text from my boyfriend that said, "Last week was the most embarassing time of my life, we're over." He was of course referring to the seizure that I had due to my epilepsy at Olive Garden. FML close enough
BabyGurlBlonde 0
he's a dick. yu deserve better
babe7260 30
What an asshole!!!!! Start looking for someone kind & caring!!!!
happy2468 21
113 and 122, she was referring to an old fml:p
magnetic_aura 26
It was a he
alexFYL 11
Only for her! Leaves more for me... I can handle my drinks! :D
StealthStorm67 0
I agree. I mean, a glass of wine at an Italian restaurant? Jeez dude, have you considered rehab?
bahdspeler 0
ya know, in some cultures they only eat vomit. yeah. i read about it...in a book.
Chuck1993 0
I noticed that too. Must be the same couple?
hiflier1012 3
Dodge Duck Dip Dive and Dodge!
SomeAnonymousBro 4
You can READ???
birds_fml 7
THIS! Don't order stuff for your date. Polite guys ask first. And no, Olive Garden isn't a classy place, but in some towns it's the best they have.
derschadenfreude 5
classy revenge
xkat356 0
How can they 'only eat vomit' if you have to eat in order to vomit?|: OP: That sucks, but YDI for taking your date to Olive Garden to be 'romantic' and ordering for her.
ILIEKGIRLS 5
it's a reference from the movie Dodgeball. :/
popoman 0
Lick my testicles. I will enjoy it. PS You should be happy. Even though it was vomit-y, at least her french-kissing you shows that she likes you. And she's hawt. And I spelled it wrong. My balls.
zander09 0
**** her life for dating an alcoholic or soon-to-be alcoholic.
acuraintegraman 3
because they have wine? that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard
marryjaneex0 7
for having a glass of wine? your not too bright.
Cunning_Cupcake 0
Yeah...me thinks it might have been the ambiance that made her ill