Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
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Comments (178)
csi_fml 19
That sounds hot
Fellsnows 5
What does a spork on legs loon like
Brownie101abc 7
Ew she "sprayed" that's really gross
LuckyLynx7732 5
And the lesson here is a little bit of alcohol can be a good thing, but too much can scar you for life.
JimSweatshirt 6
Mmmmm yummm you lucky son of a fork and spoon you
supportcommand 17
Share a bottle of mouthwash and grab a hotel. Just don't kiss her if you think she might spew.
rinSa_fml 0
Still a better love story than Twilight
awkward_gothlady 32
Wow. That's a whole new kind of trashy there.
zuzupetalsYO 11
What was your first clue that this would happen? Spork on legs? Slurring? Being called cute? Walking into a club? YDI
bryan788 29
If she is cute and you look like a spork, yet she is still kissing you, use some Scope and make yourself a regret for her in the morning.