Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
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Comments (178)
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
IOmnomHard 10
Sounds like she likes you. ;)
gc327072 31
1 drink= one fml
gc327072 31
Yea don't feel bad, just remember, BITCHES BE CRAZY!
_Oblivion_ 12
33 Stop, no one liked it first time around. And op I'm quite curious how one could look like a spork on legs.
yankfan89 27
67-maybe OP has a fat head and spiky hair?
_Oblivion_ 12
Haha that actually makes sense nevermind
12GaugeTurtle 1
I'm getting some mixed emotions here...
TylerAnderson98 10
Maybe he had a round face and spiky hair ?
tjv3 10
That made me throw up a little in my mouth thanks OP
primadonna9396 16
Clearly OP is Lisa Simpson's doppelganger. Or she's actually part seagull and regurgitating part of her meal for you was meant as a nuptial gift. (Seriously, FYL, but now you know what to expect picking up easy drunk girls at clubs.)
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
Prodigy7 4
Of course not, he sporked her.
EvilPotato 15
Maybe he forked her?
DerrickJames 33
U r nass tea.
onlychildFTW 34
I'm uneasy just reading this FML.
looloothing 9
Well that escalated quickly.
xxjenn27xx 8
Ew thats gross
Aug1508 9
Well OP deserves it for kissing a stranger.
hopsinlove17 26
Dont we all at some point in our life? Chill out a little bit and have fun(:
Aug1508 9
I am chill. How can you tell I'm not chill thought text, stop taking things so serious.
Psych101 9
41- We can tell you're not chill because you said someone deserves to have someone throw up in his mouth for kissing a stranger.
suzyrobertsxo 7
I think it's cute that you are engaged. I am too with my boyfriend of one year, but it's nothing legitimate.
verkaderk 9
Lmao
saintsrocksocks 10
17, engaged, and smokes weed. I think we have a bad ass over. Wait, I've already posted this on one of your threads. Oh well. It's still uncreative and you should stop commenting all and all.
saintsrocksocks 10
61- How do you engage someone and it not be legitimate?
12GaugeTurtle 1
Not to sound unprofessional but I'm guessing it's because she's a... Very active girl? Ah screw it. Shes a *****.
Laurenlou 24
Who cares if someone is 17 and engaged? If two people are happy and not harming one another physically or emotionally, it shouldn't matter what age they are and if they are engaged or not.
saintsrocksocks 10
At 17 years old, I believe one has much maturity that still has not been obtained. Everyone is immature at age 17, no matter what. But what can I say. I'm only 12.
guckylynn 19
Ah 61... I too thought I was so in love with my boyfriend I'd marry him at 15, but at that young of an age, you barely even know yourself. A year is nothing, don't take things too seriously too quickly! Just enjoy being young while you are. (Yes all, I'm aware I'm still young myself at 24)
saintsrocksocks 10
Honestly, that kind of sounds like the type of crap a teen girl would do. Get sucked into pointless relationships and then make some random incoherent commitments that end up getting their selves grounded with their parents and having a sudden loss of virginity.
klovely22 13
I don't see what's wrong with it. It's an engagement. That means her fiancé is committed to her. It doesn't mean that she'll get married at 17.
saintsrocksocks 10
Oh excuse me. I was under the impression that being engaged meant that one was on their way to marriage with their "loved" one. I may be wrong tho. To Google!
klovely22 13
It does. Have you ever heard of a long engagement, Mr. Smart Ass? Google that one. Like I said, there's nothing wrong with an engagement. She could be in her 20's when they actually decide to have a wedding.
saintsrocksocks 10
Engagement- a pledge; an obligation or agreement: All his time seems to be taken up with social engagements.
saintsrocksocks 10
At 17 years old, there obviously isn't a problem with with making a rather small agreement like, oh I don't know, marriage?
madelinebriana 11
Why did 3's comment get thumbed down when number 4's comment got thumbed up for saying almost exactly the same thing?
klovely22 13
Read that definition. It's an agreement. No where does it say that anyone has to get married right away.
devandanae 11
A ring doesn't plug a hole who says that they are actually committed. Saying something is one thing but actually doing it is a whole different concept.
lazyfoo92 4
I agree with 75 and most all others for that matter.
saintsrocksocks 10
Were you under the impression that I thought you had to be married that same day. I hope you weren't you silly goose because that's complete bullshit!
saintsrocksocks 10
115. I'm sorry but when's the last time you saw somebody get engaged at 17 and get married at 34. Oh you have? Well this is awkward.
klovely22 13
118- Obviously he is committed if he proposed. Why would he if he wasn't serious? 115- Where does it say I thought that? Please show me? What I said was, she doesn't have to get married at 17. She can get married whenever she wants. No, I don't know anyone who was engaged at 17 then got married at 34. That doesn't make it impossible.
saintsrocksocks 10
Please make it stop.
klovely22 13
Thank you 129!! Just because you are engaged at a certain age does NOT mean you have to get married at that same age.
saintsrocksocks 10
Jesus Christ. I didn't say you had to be married within the first 2 months of your engagement. I need to go over my comments and see if the mods got to me.
saintsrocksocks 10
Thank you mods, for answering my prayer. I'll be thinking about you tonight, Sirin.
GigiMcGee 9
No it was a beautiful mishap.
hithereimcasey 3
Why did this get so many down votes and the one right below yours says basically the same thing but got like 60 up votes???
whitey53 5
That's disgusting.
deBlobX 12
YA DON'T SAY
iXTMAstro 6
Bitches ain't shit but hoes and tricks
Futacy 30
lol. for those of you who don't know, this is based off of a previous FML about a loud-mouthed 15 year-old who ruined his dad's chance of promotion. I you don't get it then don't call it sexist or anything. just wanted to put that out there.
icrest80 4
^its actually a dr dre reference
Futacy 30
^^ my bad, im not much of a rap guy (#^.^#)
mfischer 17
It's actually quite feasibly either one.
SystemofaBlink41 27
39- yes we know
workermom21 6
Wow.. That will put a nasty taste in your mouth lol
SCUBA_Diiver 3
I had no idea that would... Thanks for enlightening me!
MrKapono 4
I'd like to put some taste in your mouth
lilmisslovely13 15
No shit sherlock
SCUBA_Diiver 3
It was sarcasm, douchelord.
klovely22 13
98 - 83 was talking to 6, douchelord.
justonecomment 2
Probably going to get thumbed down for this; but I feel the need to explain that 6 was using an idiom. It's a common expression for somebody who leaves you with a bad impression. I actually thought out was pretty funny because it was a double entendre.
legal371 5
I think I actually understood that lol
YourAFailmod 4
Did you spork her after that?? * wink wink cough cough *
LiterOfCola 16
Actually I think he knifed her
JustFMLME 7
Best part is now you know why to not take drugs, alochol, and smoking :)
rahrah765765 11
Take smoking.
wallandpiece 16
I have no idea what alochol is. I'll make sure I don't ever 'take' it. *drinks vodka*
Futacy 30
26- leave smoking.
fight4rocknroll 0
Leave alcohol ? You bastard.
supportcommand 17
I'll pass on the smoking. The rest sound ok.
nevershoutkendal_fml 11
48- Your default fits your comment.
rahrah765765 11
Oops, it was meant to be a question. I was highlighting how you can't take smoking, though, it made me look pro-smoking after all.
Bree12345 15
That's attractive.
MrKapono 4
No but your very attractive.
florido_fml 10
Like you
Chunkylover76 4
Woo-Girl!!