Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
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Comments (178)
Inapprehensible 11
Life Lesson Learned #1 ( LLL ): Once you hit the club make sure that hot chick/dude you've been eyeing the entire time... make sure they didn't have one too many drinks.
challan 19
I was pretty wasted the past two nights, but I'm almost 100% positive that I didn't call anyone a spork. However, I'd like to, and say it like Beaker from the muppets. Spork de spork de dork.
DocBastard 40
Why does it sound like you're bragging about being drunk? And isn't the legal drinking age 21 where you live? And why do I doubt I'll get any satisfying answers?
cblock94 7
I wonder that too. My roommate in college (17) manages to get drunk and wasted a few nights a week. Makes me wonder.
mhopper 13
Who would start drinking before 21? That's unheard of!!!
klovely22 13
Doc- I just read your profile for the first time. Your rules are hilarious!! One question. If everyone followed those rules, would FML even exist?
mikeymayhem_87 15
Yep... 21 is the age, regardless of whatever state. Silly underage drinkers lol
challan 19
Not bragging at all! But, I am in college. Part of the experience as long as grades are not harmed.
DarkMarkInTheSky 9
I don't condone underage drinking, nor do I discriminate against it. Just advise that you know your limit and stay with people you trust. Don't end up in the hospital on the edge of death like me. Poor decisions make for tough life lessons.
isis_morrigan 18
It seems the ones most likely to brag about getting drunk are the ones who are underage. I think they feel cooler or something by discussing how wasted/trashed/drunk ect they were, not realizing what a turn off it is for real adults.
challan 19
What turns me off is back fat and bad tattoos.
shine004 8
Eww..thats just gross.
malikathamilf 2
So you didn't think to give up on her after calling you a spork? I've stopped talking to people for way less.
Betterthink4 6
That ***** trifling
Shayton 12
I'm guessing you got lucky that night? (;
Junizumi4 3
So not a "didn't see that coming" moment.
Petepoop 6
That turns me on. Threesome?
fleurie 6
That's definitely FML-worthy. *cringe*
rachie434 8
Ewwwwww