Today, I met a really cute girl at a club. At first, she told me I was cute. Then, she slurred that I look like "a spork on legs." Then she sprayed the inside of my mouth with vomit as she kissed me. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while picking up my extremely drunk girlfriend from a party, she insisted on attempting to make out with me. She threw up in my mouth mid-kiss. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend. She threw up in my mouth. FML
Today, I went to a party, and the girl I really like started telling me how much she likes me and how she thought we would be good together. I was so drunk I threw up on her. FML
Today, I saw a cute girl at a night club. When I approached her and introduced myself, she said "Don't you remember me? We danced here last weekend... but you were smashed that night". I cheekily replied "Oh really? That's hot, what happened next?" She said "You were hitting on me. So, I left." FML
Today, I kissed the girl I love for the first time. Her reaction? She vomited. FML
Today, I took this gorgeous girl from work to eat at Olive Garden. I was trying to be romantic and had the waiter bring two glasses of wine. I guess she doesn't really drink wine, she covered her fettucini Alfredo in vomit. After dinner, she thanked me with a french kiss. FML
Today, I was drinking at the local pub and started talking to a really cute guy. I bent down to pick up my bag and the second I did, I felt like I was going to throw up. I clamped my mouth shut in the vain hope that I could block it but as I stood back up, vomit sprayed out through my nose. FML
Today, I met a really nice girl at a club. One thing led to another, and she told me to meet her out front in 5 minutes. I was so drunk that I stumbled into the restroom instead, then curled up on the floor crying in despair when I realized my mistake. FML
Today, I kissed my girlfriend for the first time. She recoiled in horror and asked if someone had taken a shit in my mouth. FML
Today, I was helping this girl to the nurse’s office because she was so sick that she could barely walk. About halfway there, she stopped and vomited on me. My jaw was dropped in shock when she threw up on me again. A little went into my mouth. FML
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Top comments
Futacy 30
1 drink = 1 honest statement
flockz 20
did you spoon her when you got back to her place? or was the vomit too much of a turn off?
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Comments (178)
kaydeebee 6
That's what you call love man. LOL
GoodCopBadCop 3
A total reasonable explanation is that she was darred to do so and at the touch of ur lips she couldnt hold it in any longer
patrick29 1
Pig
khriss_khriss 7
That is disgusting!
Pandacupcakelove 26
Oh yum...
3Aboodii 16
how sexy is that ! ;)
dreamweeper370 10
One question. Did you spit or swallow?
iceroyalty1984 14
OP -- just let it happen...
ebonyirony 29
So how cute is she now?
WhoSaidThatIsh 13
If you've seen the movie "Spork" it would've offended you in a coming of age kind of way... Spork is s hermaphrodite... Maybe, just maybe, she thought you (sir) were pretty enough to be a malajusted tween girl. Need a feather for your cap? I'm fresh out...