I was the bullet in the relationship

Today, I met my fiancé's parents for the first time. The only problem was that I was highly intoxicated. FML

Overlap

Today, I saw my ex-girlfriend for the first time in two years with the guy she told me "not to worry about" and they were celebrating their 3-year anniversary together. FML

We meet again

Today, my ex-boyfriend from two years ago called and asked to come over. Still being in love with him, I agreed to see him but decided I wasn't drunk enough to handle the stress. After a while of drinking, he said that he really missed me and wanted to be with me. My reply consisted of throwing up. FML

Today, my ex-girlfriend called saying she wants to get back together because of how mature and sincere I sounded last night. I despise her and I was drunk last night. FML

Today, after a month of sobriety, I woke up in my ex-girlfriend's house with absolutely no recollection as to how I got there. FML

Today, I got so drunk I called my ex-boyfriend and confessed my love to him. All in front of my current boyfriend. FML

The ex from hell

Today, while at a party, I ran into the girl I've liked for ages. I was so nervous, but I managed to keep the conversation going for a half hour. After mustering up the courage to ask her out on a date, her drunk, over-protective ex burst in and threw up on my shirt. Good timing, asswipe. FML

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years drunkenly introduced me to another very special lady. His wife. FML

Today, my very drunk mom called me to confess that she was the girl that my boyfriend left me for two years ago. FML

Date night

Today, I went out on a date with an ex-boyfriend who I hadn't seen since college. He took me to a bar, where he was oddly quiet, but drank heavily. When the bartender asked us if we were ok, he replied, "This is my ex-girlfriend. Can you believe she used to be skinny?" FML