Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
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Top comments
ThatTennisKid14 13
That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level
BreM16 23
Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead
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Comments (105)
sezwhooo 7
wht I want to know is why did you lay there while she had a shartpalooza on ur tummy? secret shart fetish perhaps hmmmm...?
mustangbravo 27
You tried to be the good bf at least.
Daevas 18
I really like the wording on this FML.
cjfred 13
You're lucky it didn't escalate, OP. If she'd eaten enough Taco Bell, you could have been seriously injured in the resulting Shartnado.
AlpacasInTopHats 11
Maybe don't force her to stay there if she's trying to get away to go to the bathroom like my boyfriend did. I didn't have the runs but I needed to pee really bad and almost pissed my pants.
Miss_Mandi 29
I almost ended up like OP's girlfriend once, because of what #97 described. Go easy on her, she must be feeling like she'll never live it down, and don't tease her about it.
samlovesham1234 9
Ewwww!!!
Saraishi 25
Eeeewwwwwww. OP, no! Ewwwww.
ilanie04 16
oh god ew
Rosemarypr 8
I feel worse for your girlfriend.
jezka374 15
I feel bad for the chick... You can wash the shit off... She's got to live with the fact that she was the one who did that... Embarrassing for her! Poor girl!