Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I made a pot of chili. My wife came home, sniffed the air, and said, "You're sleeping in the guest room until you eat all that chili. You fart like a trucker and I can't sleep." FML
Today, I made a healthy, delicious dinner. My girlfriend picked at it until it went cold, then stuck it in the fridge. Later, she devoured a giant bowl of sugary cereal, then complained all night that her stomach hurt. This happens a lot. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, I made a bowl of spaghetti for my girlfriend and me. I tried the move from Lady and the Tramp where the boy and girl both slurp the same piece of spagetti and end up kissing. When I tried it, the spagetti went too down far my throat, and I ended up throwing it up on her. FML
Today, I went to kiss my girlfriend on the neck while she was cooking on the stove. Apparently I scared her and now I have a nice burn mark on my head from the hot frying pan she hit me with. FML
Today, I popped something straight out of the oven into my mouth. It burned my tongue instantly, but instead of spitting it out, I swallowed. I felt it burning all the way down. Now I can’t eat solid food or drink hot drinks. FML
Today, my girlfriend threw boiling water at me to get me off my phone. It worked, but now I'm burned. FML
Today, the cat climbed up to the spice shelf while I was cooking. As I looked up and told him to leave, he tipped over a chili container which coated my face with chili powder. The bloody pain in my eyes then made me knock over a pot of boiling water. FML
Today, my father tricked me into eating a Tasmanian habanero, saying it was just another pepper. The burning in my mouth was unbearable, but nothing compared to when I took a shit later in the day. FML
Today, while on my first ever date, I ordered a really hot curry, hoping to impress my date. "Yeah," I said smoothly, "not everyone can handle spicy food." When I took a bite, my eyes watered, my mouth burned, and I had to plead for water in between moaning like a dying baboon. FML
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Top comments
bigbadtim 7
Burn, burn, burn, the burning ring of fire.
liquidSELECT 0
Your a nice guy for eating it :D your a good guy
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Comments (127)
ihavetopoopnow 2
thats why they call it your chili hole :)
hinchkongfang 0
Put the toilet paper in the freezer...
norskchic 9
sounds like shitty situation? teehee at overused joke.
Shrike 24
your ****** is overused
LiveLaughFML 10
drop it like it's hawt.
norskchic 9
so is your butthole 25.
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
People on this thread must not like you much, eh?
rkmepm 16
That's hot stuff
zombicidal 11
its like acid from the anus
mikeeg 0
Norskchic I wanna get to know you ;*
CanadianPuckHead 4
Burn baby burn
bitchslapped22 14
EXPLOSION POOP
someone235 0
no i dont think so dipshit
bigbadtim 7
Burn, burn, burn, the burning ring of fire.
DrDilllonReese 12
Burn baby burn! Anal inferno!!!
m0tl3ycru3 0
Fire in the hole
margie2194 12
That can be your new super power OP you can be "The great lord flatulence" and fight evil villains with your fiery bum hole.
DrDilllonReese 12
I can't believe those words were produced by your fingers...
margie2194 12
Well believe it. I have an over active imagination
Daralea 21
It's not a fire hole yet. If just an hour passed he's still incubating it till it morphs into time bomb.
satph 12
16- you deserve a thumbs up!
Spyingcheeseman 8
aahh you did the lyrics wrong. very slightly but it bothers me :P
Aadavis94 25
I can honestly say I sang instead of reading it.
koekj 6
Maybe sandwiches will work. They can't be made wrong, I guess. :p
hinchkongfang 0
What are you talking about?? Sandwiches??
Tesaatje 12
Auch!
13FTW 9
Did you mean ouch? In that case yes. I'm not sure what "auch" is..
GermanOnslaught 13
She is from Holland...
kareltje 17
Then it would be just Au or Autch ;) But yeah... Painful it is no matter where you're from :D
13FTW 9
My bad! Didn't check the info, sorry 4. I feel like a douche now/:
joemartin4214 4
Du leiber!
ardencred 7
but she wants to live in America so she better learn how to spell things correctly like Aeutch duh!
nublets 12
You do realize english is the single hardest language to learn if your not born into it right?
nublets 12
To 76 btw
camera123 0
You have big boobs
Tesaatje 12
i'm sorry didn't know that, i'm feeling really stupid right now haha
liquidSELECT 0
Your a nice guy for eating it :D your a good guy
ipodlover1995 0
Maybe you should cook from now on...ouch.
vsat207 0
Burn, burn baby burn. Haha happens with flaming hot cheetos too.
N070V3 0
so true
XxTooCoolxX 0
Omg it's you again mrs peanut butter!
Snafuusmc 12
Sounds shitty to me...
THE_A_TEEN 28
Can I kill you know?
ThreeSheetsGone 12
24- No, don't kill him yet. Wait until he makes another "shitty" joke.
THE_A_TEEN 28
Shite, it's supposed to be NOW, not KNOW. Bloody hell, stupid typos.
every1luvsboners 11
Sometimes you gotta pay the price to eat some good chili. I find having the explosive ***** very invigorating. Me and my roommate will go to a buffet and eat uncontrollably just to see who can hold it in the longest. Little does he know that I love the pain and I'm always packing a butt-plug.
Miss_Attitude96 24
TMI.
The_Troller 14
If I were you, I'd be careful with those butt plugs. I've heard that if you aren't careful they can build up great amounts of pleasure... Oops, pressure. They can cause a lot of pressure. Or pleasure. Whichever you prefer.
mrssuarez2011 12
That.....was very strange.
a_lenzmeier 11
You don't troll on Boners. K?
DerekDisaster 5
You can not limit trolling, but trolls can limit you o_O
twofirstnames 12
Your girlfriend sounds like a marvelous cook... Haha
False_Stupidity 42
Yeah, a firestorm!
j_cat187 20
Let's take chipoltle as an example: Good food that makes you shit blood.