Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, after getting rear ended by a car, I texted my husband to let him know I was in the hospital. His response? "I'm at Taco Bell." FML
Today, I was in a rush and forgot to flush the toilet after taking a huge dump. After coming home from work, I checked my Facebook to find myself tagged by my boyfriend in a photo. The photo was of the toilet, with the caption, "This is what Taco Bell does." FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, my wife sat beside me on the ledge of the bathtub because she wanted to make out. I was on the toilet. Shitting. FML
Today, I met my boyfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. I had to use the bathroom part way through, and ended up taking the foulest dump of my life. I cracked open a window on my way out, but my boyfriend's dad went in soon after, quickly retching and booming, "What the fuck?!" FML
Today, I went over to my girlfriend's house to meet her entire family for the first time. Trying not to be rude, I ate their 12-bean and chorizo soup. Now I'm stuck in the bathroom trying to unclog the toilet with no plunger. FML
Today, I went to meet my boyfriend's parents for the first time. While I was at their house I got a tummy ache, then had loud explosive diarrhea. Twice. They definitely heard it all. FML
Today, I went to my girlfriend's parents' house for lunch. I ended up in the bathroom constipated and remembered reading it's easier to "go" if you are squatting. My girlfriend's dad walked in on me perched on the toilet like an owl. FML
Today, there was a potluck at my girlfriend's house. I had a sour stomach, so I went to the bathroom to relieve myself. When I flushed, nothing happened. They had to call a plumber to fix the toilet filled with my crap. The whole family watched, noses plugged and faces cringed, looking at me. FML
Today, during an emergency bathroom visit, I finally broke the toilet seat my fiance had nagged me for months to replace. The broken seat sent me sprawling to the floor. I was still shitting. FML
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Top comments
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
And thus, the circle continues.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Be careful, dude. Those "I told you so" moments can be fatal.
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Comments (17)
_Hakuna_Matata_ 12
And thus, the circle continues.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Be careful, dude. Those "I told you so" moments can be fatal.
TCRII 30
Taco SMELL
raven_of_azarath 35
Taco Hell
thehaystackerine 20
How how big a ******* rock, and how far under it do you live that you've never been to Taco Bell?
Mathalamus 25
WhAt the OP said, that might be a clue why.
LAUGHINGKOMODO 25
idk, i haven't been there till i started leaving the house myself. my parents didn't let us eat shit food and when we got to pick, it was more like local places that had food we all liked.
raven_of_azarath 35
OP could have grown up in a family that ate healthy and never fast food. Those are a thing after all.
Charlie Given 28
Say it like your grunting while crapping a waterfall ,TACO HELLLL😰😨😭😵😕😞😏
RichardPencil 32
The chihuahua should say “¡Quiero Imodium!”
PenguinPal3017 19
I can eat almost anything without getting an upset stomach. One exception is that once I ate an entire bottle of hot sauce with a spoon and a couple of hours later had the *****.
acmariner99 25
Ah Taco Bell, for when you just crave crap, feel like crap, sit on the crapper making FMLs. The circle of Taco Bell.
midnightangel981 8
Ironic, as I love eating at Taco Bell..
raven_of_azarath 35
Part of why it was so bad is probably because you’ve never had it before so your stomach isn’t used to it. If you liked the taste, then keep eating it and eventually the ***** will get less bad.
raven_of_azarath 35
Taco Bell is the tastiest laxative there is. Just saying.