Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
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Top comments
ThatTennisKid14 13
That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level
BreM16 23
Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead
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Comments (105)
Nexa_fml 21
And here comes all the shit puns/jokes..
extrasnipes 22
The fact that people say that one line more often then people actually say puns is a real bother.
ColonelCusswords 24
what a shitty comment
ColonelCusswords 24
sorry, i have a shit attitude
ColonelCusswords 24
i literally aint got any other shit to do right now
ughed 14
that was a shitty attempt at puns, #52
ColonelCusswords 24
well shit... you hurt me bud...
Jonkbaby 23
more like ""taco hell"" am I right though.
ThatTennisKid14 13
That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level
MortenM 17
Just the wrong crowd. Some people like brown showers
Grenith 21
Really? You're getting away with a 'shitty' pun? Why would the fml community let you do that. That merits fml capital pun-ishment, the ban hammer.
KayDee29 31
Yeah, #100 not sure why this got a top comment... First time I've ever seen a shit pun not get down voted on any internet site.
beaglegal 42
Well what did you expect?
cheeeksss 29
Idk about you, but I have never shitted my bowels onto another human being after eating Taco Bell.
slingerslasher 24
#53 better rethink your life goals then
cristy91 33
I'm guessing OP was assuminh his gf would go to the bathroom if she felt her stomach wretch. If you care about the person you're with you would not risk that
bluefairy_fml 24
Sometimes you just can't make it to the bathroom in time. I'm sure OP's girlfriend did not actually mean to "shart" on him and the bed. Of course she would have prefered to do it in the toilet if she could.
longhorn_cowgirl 4
Sometimes you really can't tell if it's a fart or a shart...but if you're naked and especially naked and against someone, I don't really know why you'd risk it!
justintart 2
I was gonna make an anal joke, butt **** it..get it?
Senseless_487 29
Yes, we get it. I'll show you the door.
freddygasman 18
maybe the...............back door.
ColonelCusswords 24
thanks for that
countryrose92 23
46, you cracked me up. Lol. Idk why that shit was so funny, but it was. Thanms
BreM16 23
Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead
freddygasman 18
she felt relieved, but bad.
Brandi_Faith 34
I can't even imagine how embarrassed she was! And definitely don't take a shower with her, that shower may not end well either. Best thing you can do is stay away from any nakedness on her part, away from the bathroom (so it's available when she needs it), and never mention the situation again. I'm sure she's incredibly humiliated. Poor girl.
tantanpanda 26
^mhm, feel sorry for the girl when the guy gets the punishment. F her life and not OPs because she's embarrassed. I see how It is.
Matheo_fml 21
Way to see the positive in everything. A personal virtue that is diminishing from this earth day by day...
yoursucklives 36
hahaha shartpocalypse, interesting word combination. i can't begin to imagine how mortified she must have been. i'm sorry for both of you.
attaboyyy11 11
Truly
Backbone 11
I guess you irritate the shit out of her?!?!
ASeeR 14
try to ignite a lighter while she doing it ...
MrSassypants 34
Because the first thought that comes to mind when you someone accidentally ***** on your stomach is "I should light this on fire."
PharmacyJoe 13
25: Well it would kill all the enteral bacteria, I guess. :x
RickySleeves 20
Taco Bell is worth it.
ColonelCusswords 24
Well look at the bright side, at least you were only spooning naked and not doing more intimate things naked.
Epikatz 22
Why is this the bright side, exactly?...
larrena2377 26
Like ******* her right in the pussy?
ColonelCusswords 24
******* her right in the pussy is a great example of something you dont want to be doing as the shartpocalypse begins
tantanpanda 26
yea but if you're having sex, the shart won't be on you unless you're trying something else...
greekk 21
doggy style #11