Today, I'm warning you: never spoon naked with your girlfriend after eating taco bell. The shartpocalypse just might begin in her ass and end on your stomach. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was spooning with my girlfriend. She fell asleep and spent the next 15 minutes farting on me. FML
Today, while on the bus, the guy sitting beside me let out the vilest and most nauseating fart I've ever encountered, the kind that could retroactively sterilize five generations of one's ancestors with the smell alone. As I gagged, he smirked and said, "That's Taco Bell for ya." FML
Today, I ate a bowl of my girlfriend's homemade chili. She went a little heavy on the spices, but I ate it anyway. An hour later, I can now say that if it burns going in, it will explode coming out your rear. FML
Today, my wife took me to Taco Bell for the first time. I said, "Isn't this where all those FMLs happen to people?" She said, "You'll be fine." I am writing this from the toilet. I am not fine. FML
Today, I was making out with my boyfriend, when the Taco Bell I'd eaten for lunch came back up for round two. Undigested rice and beans got stuck in his hair. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I decided to try a new place to eat. On our way home we both had upset stomachs. As we raced into the house we realized neither of us could hold it any longer. Having only one bathroom, I let her go first. She exploded on the toilet and I exploded in my pants. FML
Today, while getting intimate with my girlfriend, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach, and had to run to the bathroom to evacuate my bowels. She heard the horrible sounds, and I doubt I'll ever be able to seduce her again. FML
Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML
Today, 4 miles into a mountain hike with my crush, I suddenly felt a stomach pain, followed by the urge for explosive diarrhea. I had to stand still with my butt clenched to prevent shitting myself. There were no nearby bathrooms, and I didn't have any toilet paper. It was messy. She'll never see me the same. FML
Today, I woke up next to my wife at my in-laws. It was all set to be a beautiful morning when we got serves breakfast in bed, until my mother in-law started pointing at the big shit stain running from my ass and on to the sheets. Never trust a fart, especially when you're sleeping. FML
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Top comments
ThatTennisKid14 13
That takes "shitty sex life" to a whole new level
BreM16 23
Oh my.. I bet she felt really bad! Well I guess now you guys could take a shower together instead
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Comments (105)
CliffyB03 28
You definitely crossed some barriers tonight.
MrSmush 19
Well, shit happens
sgtsnipes3094 6
Hopefully it wasn't your bed Op....
Starzak 18
This is one of those situations where sensitivity and common sense are greatly appreciated. Not freaking out, getting out of bed with her and taking a shower with her, assurances, smiles, helping wash the sheets, those are all the things that would have likely put her mind at ease. Sometimes regardless of how gross a situation is, you not freaking out is all your partner needs to feel okay.
Calacor 17
Im not even gonna ask
Crescent_Moon 17
This is great... Now all I can think about are either people screaming and running wildly while farting or farting zombies chasing people with gas masks.
goreajek 13
Well... At least now you can take a shower together. That is unless it's still the "shartpocalypse".
1Hundreds 5
Well in the plus side she owes you big time! And you could say you've experienced a dirty sanchez
opiate_ape 10
baahahahhahhahahhahhahhahhaahah oh shit man sorry but ah ah ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hah **** I lost it when I read this.
jared76_fml 11
Hahaha my day is made