Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
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Top comments
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
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Comments (102)
stoopid1970 7
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Glue her pussy lips together and then laugh about it. Then tell her you thought it was funny and see how she likes it
Arkham_Callabero 15
Living up to that username
Originalboii2 2
Revenge is not the answer
raphanne_fml 33
This is a messed up thing to do in any country, but I think it's even more of a dick move to do so in the US. Isn't your visit to the emergency room going to cost you an arm on top of that?
Adonis0 13
For the future, acetone dissolves superglue, can be found by itself or also is in quite a lot of nail polish removers. Not sure about a sensitive area like your crotch, but everywhere else you can put it on your skin to get the glue off fine
Redhairchick 10
I've also heard soap and warm water. It's not quick by any means but it would be more gentle than acetone on the genitals.
JHPugh 19
Acetone dries out the skin, unless you're very sensitive to chemicals similar to gasoline, just follow up with warm water wash, and lotion
Lillysar91 20
Her idea of funny is seriously ****** up
kikimiko 7
You obviously need a new girlfriend with a brain
eggfactory 20
Where is the WTF button?
TheNewGuy03 29
I'm with you. Either that, or an "Aw, HELL naw!" button.
InfiniteSunshine 32
This is beyond ****** up, that's not a prank. What is with people and not understanding what a prank is? Pranks are funny, and they aren't supposed to harm the target. If your prank ends with a trip to a hospital or doctor, that's assault, not a prank. This is a dumping offence, super glue can be dangerous, it can even give you chemical burns sometimes.
MysteryGuest214 10
Seriously, what is with these lunatics? You'll be doing everyone a favor when you press charges. Also, she needs to pay the hospital bill. And ending the relationship goes without saying.
oldmonk007 6
Time for revenge my friend.. Time for revenge.!! Eeeeehhhhhhaaaaaa...!!
cuz803 46
Revenge solves nothing (sorry for being hypocritical)
LostInTheZone11 29
Is her name Rose?
Coccinelle_fml 15
I can't believe there's only one other person on here who thought about making the Two and a Half Men joke. I respect you, kind stranger.