Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
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Top comments
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
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Comments (102)
CliffyB03 28
There wouldn't be any argument, I just know that if I EVER did that, I'd be giving my ring back.
RichardPencil 32
It kinda is funny -- to a psychopath. If you stick with her (pun intended), just go strictly anal with her -- you do not want to procreate with such an asshole.
trucker2 33
I can see miracle grow, perhaps even fix a flat.... But, not super glue... Unless she chipped a tooth on it.... Send her to the dentist next time, (glue)
FalloutScrolls 25
This is breakup worthy. This "prank" pushes way into the territory of all out abuse. I'd also send her the bill. Something like this could be long-term harmful, and I hope everything turns out OK with your body.
TheNewGuy03 29
It would be an interesting story to tell the next person he dates if the topic of previous relationships ever comes up. Girl: "So why did you break up with your last girl?" OP: "She, um, superglued my dick to my thigh." Girl: [stares in WTF] "...Oh..."
Leviathene 34
That is a violation. Sexual misconduct goes both ways, women can be just as reckless and harmful as men. I would really consider if this is a healthy relationship. You didn't deserve that.
Arnoud 19
Ahh sounds awfull OP. Hope you will be fine ;). Really cant believe she thought that to be funny
Harshie 10
I guess you're kinda stuck in that relationship
ZevVeli 10
You mean your ex girlfriend right?
Sneaky01 4
at least you have a girlfriend. :/
kowsee 22
Ex girlfriend*