Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (102)
Kalilahshmeow 8
Run away from her.?you know if you had glues her Labia there would be many cops and court dates and jail time. That is horrible and sadistic.
great_nate 26
Shouldn't that be "ex-girlfriend"?
iwillcallpolice 2
That's what happens when you keep having your dick out for Harambe.
Dean__Winchester 16
That's not cool. Would she like it if someone super glued her "lips" shut? Or find it funny? Like I can appreciate a good prank, but that? The only one laughing is her
ThrottleJockey 36
Jim, is that you?
grya 10
I I think it would be funny to sue her...
readingrachel 9
Tbh that made me laugh
CRC_101 31
I concur - I'm normally pretty tolerant about errors in a relationship, but you need to break up with her. Someone who does this - super glue, of all things - is on such a seriously low level of stupidity or insanity that it's a terrible idea to stay with them. That super glue shouldn't be put on a penis isn't rocket science, and neither is ending your relationship. ...And while you're unconscious, to top it off. That's asking for serious trouble.
sugoine 12
Sue her for the mental trauma and have her pay the medical bills
anaheimangels40 11
Use superglue or a strong epoxy and glue her pussy closed!