Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML
Today, my husband stabbed me with his unusually long, nasty toenails in the leg while he slept. It took 3 stitches to fix it up, my husband and doctor laughed the entire time. He still refuses to cut them. FML
Today, my husband thought it would be hilarious to slip a little fake blood into the bathtub while I was relaxing in it, eyes closed. When I opened my eyes, the water was one big cloud of red. I screamed so loud that I might as well have been dying, and yes, he recorded everything. FML
Today, my husband has both arms broken, and I have to help him in the bathroom. Not the problem. My girlfriends and I have been pranking each other lately and it's been fun, but they decided to slip my husband slip him some laxatives so that I would have to clean him him. FML
Today, holding my teenager's hand at the hospital, I unfortunately had a front row seat as a nurse manipulated his penis trying to pop a ball bearing out of his urethra. He had been curious to see if it fit. It did. And no matter how hard he tried he couldn’t pee it out, so off to the hospital we went. FML
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital. He and his friends got the bright idea of recording a re-enactment of a scene from Fight Club for a YouTube video. It ended as soon as my husband caught a fist to the gut and started violently puking all over our basement floor. FML
Today, I had to take my fiancé to the hospital so they could remove a tampon applicator that he claimed he somehow "fell onto". It was lodged up his nostril. I'm marrying this man in a week. FML
Today, I accidentally super-glued my hand to my face while trying to fix a broken pair of glasses. I yanked it off in a panic, taking a patch of my face along with it. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
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Top comments
honestjane 22
To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.
jbuckets_404 39
Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!
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Comments (19)
ViviMage 40
It'll fall off in a few days! The dick or the Googly eyes, I'm not sure!
jbuckets_404 39
Did he attach them while flaccid or erect? Either would hurt when there's a change in state. Lol!
merican_redneck4 11
It would hurt much less with erect to flaccid
honestjane 22
To be honest, that is pretty funny. But they probably would have come off with a warm bath.
alycion 39
It was. Especially to those who treated him. That’s a holiday dinner story for years to come.
RichardPencil 32
It is funny!! Why did you have to go to the hospital? I guess it’s the one place you can show strangers the hilarious googly-eyed dick without getting arrested.
Mungolikecandy 19
Googly Eyes make everything better!
RichardPencil 32
I’m imagining bacon with googly eyes. That’s what perfection looks/tastes like!
Lora Wood 11
You will babysit him for the duration of the marriage.
Emiweb 9
Well, he wasn't wrong...
oldtimer 3
You didn’t have to do anything, they would fall off eventually. Or you could’ve used nail polish remover to get them off. If you went to the emergency room you’re going to get a BIG bill.
BurnInDemonFire 39
His audience would have been significantly higher than expected, but I guarantee everyone laughed. And so will others who find out in the future. Like me.