Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I learned that my girlfriend can sleepwalk. She got up, came into the living room where I was laying back against the sofa playing video games. I wasn't really paying much attention, until she stepped on my crotch, after which she left. She doesn't remember a thing. FML
Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML
Today, while watching a movie with my girlfriend, I had to go to the bathroom. As I returned, I thought it would be cute to jump over the side of the couch and land next to her. I accidentally landed on her arm and broke her wrist. It wasn't as cute as I expected. FML
Today, my girlfriend snuck up behind me to cover my eyes and play "guess who." The second her hands touched my face, I grabbed her, twisted her wrists, and kneed her to the floor out of instinct. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I took a nap on my couch. She used my arm as a pillow, and everything was pretty peaceful, until she moved over and practically dislocated my shoulder. My screams of pain woke her, which was apparently an "asshole move" on my part. FML
Today, I didn't realize my cat was sleeping in the room with me until she decided to jump on me in the middle of the night, resulting in a critical hit to my groin. FML
Today, I was cuddling on the couch with my girlfriend when I started to tickle her, she asked me to stop but I continued. She had a reaction, and kneed me in the happy sacks. FML
Today, I was laying down with my girlfriend, when she asked me if I'd ever been kicked in the junk. I awkwardly said no, and she replied, "Well maybe that should change." while rubbing my shoulder lovingly. I'm scared. FML
Today, I was woken up by my dog touching my foot, so I tried to push it away. Then I realized that I'd kicked my girlfriend in the face. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
AlcaSMT 0
Ask her to kiss it better.
Radi0Waves 0
hopefully she doesn't want kids....
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (31)
AlcaSMT 0
Ask her to kiss it better.
jdub28 0
kiss it?! how about a massage, mouth to penis recessitation (sp?), and then a vaginal surrounding to try to bring it back to full health. Although, depending how hard she nailed the landing you may want to get that checked by a doctor. FYL...
AlcaSMT 0
I suppose she could at least reinflate the balloons by blowing the tube.
jdub28 0
Thank you, auto correct didn't change it and I didn't think it looked right.
Sabre300 0
Jdub, no feeding the snickerdoodle troll
jdub28 0
I don't mind a spelling correction when I am unsure of the spelling. I think people over critcize grammar, but really people are lazy and Internet posts are often rediculously sloppy. The way I see it, if you understand what the person is saying then let it be; however, it is not a bad thing to learn how to spell.
jdub28 0
*criticize. darn spelling : )
lettertjes 0
I agree with everything jdub28 has said.
californialafun 0
also, "ridiculously" =)
angelkissezxox 3
who enjoys proofreadin? an english teacher but not a NORMAL teenager. im cool with wanting to be different but when your a teen and you like grammar and proofreading thats dumb. you'll die a lonely old women who will be rememberd as "the lady who corrected grammar" wow..
taycandy96 2
I like proofreading, and I'm a typical teen.
Dr33zy_fml 0
snickerdoodles get a life!!..
boots9491 0
ok op get over it. It hurts bad for twenty minutes tops and then it settles down. This fml is over exaggerated. And yes I would know I have taken a balls to the nuts after a bad hop in the infield at baseball practice the one day I didn't wear a cup
KJLD5 0
did u have a boner?
Sm1leyFaCed97 0
it's the internet. no one's going to spell right. except people with sticks up their ass's.
shali14 0
Why is everyone ignoring the FML but paying attention to the grammar..?!
AJG390 0
Aww. Ouchh. I do that to my boyfriend all the time though.. Knee him in the crotch i mean. Never on purpose either :/. But yea. FYL.
Radi0Waves 0
you can knee me in the crotch anytime (please don't)
bella2011 0
dude so do I lol it's ridonculous
crzyry 6
Bet sex ain't happening for a bit either.
purplehaze980 0
ouch....fyl
MissAndreaSummer 0
ouch is right. But hey, give her credit for tyin to be sexi!
astro_plastic 0
I think we should take all her credit away for thinking that would be sexy.
MissAndreaSummer 0
Hey, at least she tried to be sexi by getting on top of you! Give her some credit..
astro_plastic 0
okay okay, she can have the credit.
BenLarge1 0
no she spent her credit on that massive EPIC FAIL
DonutNoob 0
...and his possible hospital bill..
aFMLaddict 0
I would have turned on if she would grabed my crotch instead of smashing her knee on it. Fyl.
Radi0Waves 0
hopefully she doesn't want kids....
FYLDeep 26
I sense an awesome sammich in your future. Make sure your girlfriend stays in the kitchen from now on to prevent situations like this from occuring.
bitethebullet 0
What if he's in the kitchen too, and she knees him in the McNuggets again for some odd reason? or has an accident with the kitchen knife?
chikiitaaa 0
and this is why I'm happy I'm not a guy lol. ouch.
heeheehoo 0
Yeah, it's always ' I injured my nuts. FML ' and never ' I hurt my vag. FML ' heehee.
okieraider71 4
#2--Some guys enjoy that. Punish me, master.
astro_plastic 0
Seriously, there's no pleasure without some pain. This guy's just a rookie.
jdub28 0
correction, if you are a girl there isn't pleasure without first experiencing a little pain. For the male of the species, pain in the crotch is very unneccessary.
astro_plastic 0
We all know that crotch pain is typically a no-no. I don't think we're on the same level with the pleasure/pain topic.
jdub28 0
Probably not on the same page, I agree.
bfffness 0
close you eyes and ask a guy to punch u in the stomach as hard as he can, see if that's pleasing... that's kinda how getting hit in the balls feels like
astro_plastic 0
FML isn't quite the bunch of kinky bastards I thought they were.
DGross 8
lol I get it but I just woke up ... can't make a semi-intelligent / witty comment for another hour...
masterblaster39 0
Having a girlfriend who jumps you in bed.....priceless. Having a girlfriend with bad aim.....painful!
jdub28 0
LMAO... Agreed.