Today, I'm sitting in the emergency room because my girlfriend thought it would be funny to superglue my penis to my thigh while I was sleeping. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I had to take my husband to the hospital because he thought it would be funny to Superglue googly eyes to his dick. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
Today, one of my kids thought it would be funny to superglue me to my armchair while I was asleep, except they’re idiots who used way too much. I am now fused to the cushions and had to call an ambulance. FML
Today, I thought it would be funny to touch my girlfriend's back with my cold hands. She thought it would be funny to crush my left testicle with her knee as I was trying to fall asleep. FML
Today, after surgery on my penis, I’m on drugs to prevent erections. My girlfriend now thinks it’s hilarious to walk around naked, bend over in front of me, and do other sexy stuff, because she knows I can’t do anything to her and it’s killing me. In three weeks, her ass is mine. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be a funny prank to put duct tape on my eyes while I was sleeping so that when I woke up, I would be blind. I have no more eyelashes. FML
Today, my girlfriend thought it would be amusing to sneak into my room and jump me in my bed. Too bad that when she jumped, one of her knees landed on my crotch. I haven't been able to walk properly since this morning. FML
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend when she'll be having her period, since she was acting pretty bitchy the last time around. She duct taped my leg hair and ripped it off while I was napping. FML
Today, I sliced my finger open because my roommate's girlfriend put a broken ceramic plate in the recycling. I was putting some paper in the bin and all of a sudden, an inch and a half of my flesh is naked to the world. I don't have medical insurance, so I fixed it with Superglue. FML
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Top comments
daniel271 13
Break up with her that's not funny and harmful
Sandsh8rk 36
That's a real dick move on her behalf.
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Comments (102)
blupenguin29 14
Glue her ****** shut.
wow2mylife 25
why is there people who hit you deserve it button edit probably should of reword it
nosycunt 5
that's a sticky situation right there :)
PhoenixChick 26
Dump her and consider filing assault charges. That is seriously, seriously deranged behavior. I've gotten chemical burns from superglue on my hands and imagining that in such a sensitive place...eek.
GhostFox 34
What the ever loving **** went through her head that made her think, "yes, this is a good idea"?? I don't know what would be worse- her being that naïve or ignorant to not know it was a bad idea, or her being so malicious or uncaring that she knew it was a bad idea, and did it anyway. Either way, I'd be ******* wary of letting her anywhere near me after something like that. Which, given a relationship is supposed to be based of trust, put the entire relationship at serious risk.
baby4mommy 27
I totally agree with the people suggesting that you break up but using super glue oh her ****** is almost as wrong as what she did to you. On the other hand you might consider. . . supergluing her eyelids open . . . or supergluing her butt cheeks . . . or If she waxes superglue the fingers of her dominant hand to the area just above her ****** . . . or wait until Christmas Eve and after she falls asleep superglue tonsil, garland, and tree ornaments all over her and when she freaks out and complains just tell he that she has no Christmas spirit.
Iceman9_fml 1
Superglue her ****** lips together
xDailyVidsx 9
What happens if you get an erection?
Malyssab 23
No no no no no, that is not funny at all, she could have seriously hurt you. Hope everything went well OP
LunaJoyce86 15
soap, water and a little bit of acetone so it's not so harsh on your skin and you could have saved yourself a lot of medical bills.