Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of one year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML
Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying, "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up." I certainly wasn't aware. FML
Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML
Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML
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Top comments
alicexox 0
isn't the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts? It's not so bad, you obviously wanted to break up with her anyway right? :)
nando92 0
haha that sucks... LESSON LEARNED: dont drink so much
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Comments (94)
PhillyFox 0
It's a sign. Ease up on the alcohol. Can't do that? Don't complain about the dumb shit you did.
robor007 0
ydi because you probably wanted to break up anyway.
dramakat11 0
You should learn some moderation man. You can get a good buzz without getting anywhere near incoherently drunk. When you feel a buzz, stop and wait a while to have another drink. Drinking games and the like are just bad ideas in general...
meaganliz 0
Frat brat.
alexis_michelle_ 0
lesson learned here, never drink and text.
shanny411 0
I don't get it
boreddoubletears 0
This is FML, not advice.com.
lololfail9065 0
wait, didnt it say that he left his fone in the car so technically someone else culdve done the breakup, not him....
deathnotelovaaa 0
whats a keg stand..?
rachbat00 0
I agree with #1