News to me

Today, I called my girlfriend saying "I think we need to break up." She said "No, I don't think so," and hung up. FML

Today, I came home to hear my girlfriend break up with me, over the answering machine, with my entire family in the room. FML

Today, I called my boyfriend and a woman answered. Turns out, she's also his girlfriend. She broke up with me on his behalf. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because she heard me say "love you" on the phone. I was talking to my mom. FML

Today, I poured my heart out to my girlfriend with a serenade. After I finished, she told me she'd come over to tell me she'd found someone else and wanted to break up. FML

On the sauce

Today, I woke up from a night of heavy drinking to find my girlfriend dumped me. Apparently I drunk-called her last night and told her that someone as beautiful as her could be with someone way better than me. She agreed. FML

Breaking news

Today, I got a phone call from my mother asking me if I was okay. Confused, I asked her what she meant. She then told me that my boyfriend had broken up with me, and she just wanted to make sure I was handling it alright. I had to find out my relationship was over from my mom. FML

Eternity

Today, I took my girlfriend to eat out at a restaurant. We chatted for an hour, and it all seemed to be going well, until she told me that she wanted to break up. Waiting for the bill and driving her home was the most painful time of my life. FML

Easy fix

Today, I rang my girlfriend to make sure she made it home alright. She told me to check my Facebook. Nothing was different so I hit refresh. We were no longer in a relationship. I got dumped via Facebook whilst on the phone to her. FML

Double dump

Today, my girlfriend haltingly dumped me over the phone. Faint splashes punctuated her grunting, straining sounds. FML