Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of one year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML
Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying, "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up." I certainly wasn't aware. FML
Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML
Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML
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Top comments
alicexox 0
isn't the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts? It's not so bad, you obviously wanted to break up with her anyway right? :)
nando92 0
haha that sucks... LESSON LEARNED: dont drink so much
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Comments (94)
HeatherFTW 0
Oh, alcohol. Why must you ruin so many relationships?
nokillnobeepbeep 0
Hey now, if it wasn't for the beer goggles many fatties of the world wouldn't be getting any loving. Will someone please think of the fatties!?
ireply_w_lyrics 0
"...So, I picked up what was left of my pride, And I put on my walking shoes, And I got up on that high road, And I did what any gentleman would do.. I, um... I got a brand new girlfriend. We went and jumped off the deep end, Flew out to LA for the weekend, Spent the whole day lyin' on the beach, Wearin' nothin' but a smile, Playin' kissy-kissy, smoochy-smoochy, Talkin' mooshy-mooshy 'bout nothin'. Man, I think I'm on to somethin', Ya know I feel just like a kid again. I got a brand new girlfriend..."
RubixMonkey 0
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.” Ernest Hemingway
ireply_w_lyrics 0
Hey there Mercy! (dont be ogling me TOO much)
halfmanhalfbearh 0
Your fault for gettin drunk, son...ya shoulda drank responsibly...
BabyFirefly25 0
What are you, 18? Get drunk responsibly.
jackmehoff69 0
why would it be "silly" to leave your phone in the car.....what are you, a 9 year old girl? YDI it for being a weirdo loser
_neutrality 0
Pretty sure he meant it would be silly, as in dumb, to leave it in the car, as in, he brought it inside with him to the party.
jackmehoff69 0
still a fag
bookworm_x 0
drunken minds speak sober thoughts.
BigDick17 0
Hahahaha wicked Nobody can talk shit because we all have those nights
kindness 0
yes they can. some people NEVER have those nights. some people choose to NEVER drink. because they're intelligent. unlike the people who decide to get trashed at parties.
timtam24 0
i disagree
_neutrality 0
I don't drink. But I don't think it makes you unintelligent if you /do/ drink. Although getting completely trashed and drunk texting your girlfriend that you're breaking up with her isn't the brightest thing in the world to do.
agamid 1
a friend of mine found out that his girlfriend had broken up with him when his sister noticed she'd changed her relationship status to 'single' on facebook.
maipinkbear 0
i'm sure your phone remembers too. you could look up the text msg?
omghehehe 0
Sounds like a Visa commercial on SNL! Priceless! Sorry for U and her! Did u mean it? That's the real question.