Today, I'm single. Last night, I decided it would be silly to leave my phone in my car before I went to my roommate's brother's birthday party. Highlights of the evening include: Beer Pong, a keg stand, and breaking up with my girlfriend via text message. I don't remember the last one. She does. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me via text, right after I finished cleaning his apartment and dropping off a bunch of booze I bought for a big party we were having. It turns out that big party was his "newly single" party. FML
Today, I'm on vacation with my best friends. We went to a club and I drunk texted my girlfriend of one year about how nice everything is and how much I miss her. She responded by breaking up with me because she likes me more as a friend. FML
Today, my phone died while I was on the phone with my girlfriend. When I finally got a charger, I saw a text message from her. I'm now single. FML
Today, I wanted to text my girlfriend but lately we'd been at a loss for things to talk about. I thought, "Come on, she's your girlfriend, what's the worst that could happen." One hour and twenty two minutes later, I was single. FML
Today, I went out for a drink with my girlfriend. Everything was going smoothly until her phone rang, she took the call and cut whoever it was off quite quickly by saying, "I can't talk right now, I'm in the middle of a break-up." I certainly wasn't aware. FML
Today, I was invited to a party, but I didn't attend because my boyfriend would be disappointed with me. Instead, I spent the night with him watching movies. At the end of the night, he broke up with me because I wasn't fun enough. FML
Today, I woke up from a drunken daze and texted my best friend to take me back to my car. I got confused as to why our messages were green since it was iMessage. Well, come to find out I hooked up with her boyfriend in the bathroom the night before. I should mention I'm a dude, and so is he. FML
Today, it's 2:23 in the morning, and my drunken girlfriend has just rung me up from a party where she's the only girl there. She seems to be having a great time. FML
Today, my girlfriend left me for my best friend. Over a text message with "lol" in it. FML
Today, my fiance's divorce was finalized and we went out to dinner to celebrate. I stepped away to use the bathroom, then came back to a note on the table saying, "I'm going to enjoy single life, thanks!" He left me with the bill. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alicexox 0
isn't the saying: drunk words are sober thoughts? It's not so bad, you obviously wanted to break up with her anyway right? :)
nando92 0
haha that sucks... LESSON LEARNED: dont drink so much
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (94)
cpatrick820 3
who wants candy? btw, don't text drunk asshat
MuseFan288 0
Now you know not to drink
kisseshugsdrugs 5
pick up the phone and check your sent texts. talk to her. if you dont remember it try to figure out what happened..then let us know because im curious haha.
DynamicDave 11
I don't understand. Did you take your phone with you because you didn't want to leave it in the car? Or did you leave it ad someone else texted her? Or did you actually text it to her and just don't remember? Help! Is this confusing or am I just dumb?
sprc 1
haha what a stupid thing to do, you werent that drunk that you dumped her?
MiniatureMayhem 0
I thought he left his phone in the car?
teach09 0
to all the people that are telling the OP to look at his sent text messages: My sent box will only hold 50 or 51 messages, my phone automatically deletes "older" ones as I continue to text. So, perhaps he can't check them. To all the people that are saying "drunken words speak sober thoughts": not always true. I talk to people I CAN NOT STAND when I am drunk. I also feel I need to call the ex that I broke up with when I am drunk. I never think about him sober, except for now as I write this, but whatever. OP: Sometimes it is better to just leave your phone in the car. Hide it somewhere so no one will know that it's in there. And lock your car. Not too hard, I've done it before...
RufusCade 7
From drunks and kids you will hear the truth.......
Airch 9
Those nights are always the best. Good memories.. or lack of. YDI it for being so drunk, but we all know you're gonna go out and get in the same state next time aswell. Fair play.
saunder 0
hmm guess it was some dude who thought its funny...at least u should tell her that