Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML
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Top comments
courtneyburgessx 18
Seems like you must have a very dangerous weapon down there
johnjkl 22
I guess your dick was just to big to be taken on the plane
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Comments (86)
countryguy91290 16
Honestly how does that happen?
johnjkl 22
I guess your dick was just to big to be taken on the plane
aruden 25
"Sir no hard objects can be carried on the plane.."
coried91 28
While that caused a unfortunate delay, his ego was given a nice boost.
Swandive235 27
One eyed snakes on a plane
clemsi 20
I'm tired of these motherfucking dicks on the motherfucking plane jokes!
countryb_cth 38
Not to long ago there was a news story of two TSA agents getting males to go into the x-ray but they would put in the computer that they were female so the crotch would light up as an unknown object so that the TSA agent could pat down hot guys.
courtneyburgessx 18
Seems like you must have a very dangerous weapon down there
chrisbeaudoin 26
Hey op, did they confiscate it?
Grimmerie 31
Funny story - I'm trans and I wear a soft silicone packer, to simulate having a package. I was getting on a plane to New York and I was stopped going through the scanner because apparently, silicone shows up the same way a bomb would on one of those scanners. I had to show my fake dick to security to prove my trouser snake was tame. Sometimes I wonder if that security guard ever thinks about the guy who reached in his pants, pulled out his dick and threw it on the counter.
leafsnacks 11
Jesus christ.
Chocherz 12
balls of steel?
MSCCG 16
High five!
skyrim_fanatic 17
@63: you are disgusting
addioty 19
That's... unfortunate. Maybe your crotch has super powers?
jtthegr8 26
Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No! It's Super Dick!!!
sp00derman 23
hopefully it was a female security guard ;)
Dilwann 27
Pat downs legally have to be performed by same sex personnel. So, no, it was not a female security guard.
Solano2580 24
He could still get some enjoyment, it doesn't say his sexuality.
Bradley_Dillon 39
Hopefully OP is gay.
khorstmye 15
Unless you consent to the opposite sex patting you down.
oceaneyes213 21
It depends on how one presents actually. If you pass as a certain gender they will send out an agent of that gender.
gogo44444 28
Maybe he was attracted to you and was flirting
KatieJBabe 27
If that was the case, it wouldn't be flirting, it would be sexual assault.
Colon_Man 17
The TSA has been busted before. They'll flag someone who they think is cute just to get to "know" them. Agents are human, after all. And most are ex cons.
Colon_Man 17
Down votes, though? Must be a lot of TSA agents here.
tranced_ 45
That's his job.
rainbowsRlove 15
sir you cant take that aboard....
MandieL 27
Sir, you must check your package please.
aprilnb1 18
Never know, you could hijack the plane with that thing. Lol