Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML
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Top comments
courtneyburgessx 18
Seems like you must have a very dangerous weapon down there
johnjkl 22
I guess your dick was just to big to be taken on the plane
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Comments (86)
alicecooperfan 18
Sorry OP, TSA can be a huge pain. I got patted down because I had rhinestones on my shorts.
catdog414 11
I've had the same thing happen to me with my back. Apparently salt content is picked up by the scanner. So whether you're sweating or have juices on your crotch, that's why
derpyshy 16
I recall rumors of IUDs setting off those things. But really, it's something to do with salt content triggering something with the machine. Weird.
chazzywazzy654 22
It may have been the zipper on your trousers?
coocookaylin 17
Sometimes lotion can set the scanner off...
missbritt203 9
That happened to me recently, 'Cept it was crotch & boobs. I figured they just wanted a quick feel of the "areas in question". I guess it's just a thing...unless there are pervs working at the airport where you were as well.
ThrottleJockey 36
It is specifically for this reason that, when I fly, I make sure to wear only a mankini, flip flops, and a smile. I also like to moan a bit during the pat downs just to let the TSA agents know that they are doing a good job. it helps to put everyone at ease.
False_Stupidity 42
Is it a bright green mankini with yellow polka dots?
joshi42 16
Great balls on fire!
Racehorse 5
This seriously happens to me like every time and I don't know why
DarthTaco351 12
Balls of steel?