courtneyburgessx

Today, I was feeling pretty, so I wore a skirt for the first time in years. Two hours later, my thighs hurt from slapping together so much. I no longer feel pretty. FML

Today, a man tried to mug me. I actually apologized to him for not having my wallet on me. FML

Today, I was working customer service at a large grocery store. I recently got a small, tasteful septum piercing that is barely visible. As I greeted a customer, she began to gag, held out her hand as though she was fending me off, and said, "I can't. Your nose ring makes me sick." FML

Today, I dyed my hair purple. I came out of the salon and a little girl walked past and said, "Wow, you look like a mermaid!", to which her mother quickly said, "No she doesn't, she looks like her parents don't love her." FML

Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML

Today, my girlfriend actually slept with one of the celebrities on her "5 celebrities we're allowed to sleep with" list. FML