Today, I learned that your crotch can just light up on the body scanner in the airport for no apparent reason; and when that happens, a thorough pat down of that area will be performed by a confused security officer. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was walking through airport security when a guard began making lewd gestures at his crotch, while looking at me. I was outraged until I realized he was trying to tell me that my fly was down. FML
Today, I was traveling. At airport security, the woman patting me down felt something "down there" and asked me what I was wearing. I told her it was a sanitary napkin. She put her hands inside my pants just to be sure. FML
Today, the airport security guard told me to lift my fat rolls so he could finish patting me down. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. Trying to get things over and done with quickly, I dropped my pants without a second thought. Turns out they just wanted me to remove my shoes and belt. FML
Today, I was boarding my flight when I got pulled aside for looking suspicious. As she was opening my bag, I said, "Be careful, I jammed so many clothes in there it may explode." I was then strip searched for my trouble. FML
Today, I was going through airport security. As my bags were being scanned, I was told that I was selected for extra searching. Right as the security guard was about to frisk me, he froze up and asked me, "You're a male, right?" I am, and I used to think that it was obvious. FML
Today, I had a pretty big erection while getting checked out at the airport. The security guard was scanning my potentially "dangerous" erection for at least one long minute in front of my wife, kids, and 20 people behind me. FML
Today, I was standing at airport security. One of the bag inspectors asked me to remove my travel pouch, pointing to the lump under my shirt. I didn't know how to tell him that it was just one of my fat rolls. FML
Today, as we were going through airport security, my mom tried to joke with the person searching her bag, saying, "Just don't take out my vibrator!" She practically shouted it for the whole line to hear. FML
Today, while going through customs at the airport, my bag was selected for screening. It was nearly overflowing because it was so full, so before the TSA agent searched it, I said, "Watch out - it's going to explode when you open it". Wrong choice of words. FML
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Top comments
courtneyburgessx 18
Seems like you must have a very dangerous weapon down there
johnjkl 22
I guess your dick was just to big to be taken on the plane
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Comments (86)
pockleboy 7
One time there was this really hot female security officer so I put my metal watch in my pocket so she would have to pat me down. It worked too
Enzymatically 14
maybe she liked your dick. a chick with authority and a uniform mmmmm sounds like fun
worldclassrager 41
Dick too big might kill someone holds true here
zyero 9
In that situation I would have to just play along and **** with the person giving the pat down "a little to the left, that's the itch! Scratch it!" If that security officer could keep a straight face and not double over in laughter I would be stunned.
Lalala579121 28
Cue cheesy porno music.
idefka 34
I went through an airport scanner a couple of days ago and it did that. they made me go through like 5 Times before it stopped
Soloman212 28
Hopefully he's not firing blanks.
KyleLord_ 9
You never know. If you run around slapping people with it, it does count as a weapon. You have power in your pants my friend.
ty4nier 16
Balls of steel right there
jvanevery 19
there was this story / documentary about a guy with a huge penis and he always had trouble getting through security at the airport if you have a similar problem ask for a private room then whip it out the security officer will be so intimidated he'll just say go on