Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML
Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML
Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of two years. I got a call from my best friend telling me he had slept with her before we went out drinking the night before. FML
Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML
Today, I tried a trick my friend taught me; I initiated sex as my husband was getting ready for work, then guilted him when he refused. After he left, I texted my friend that her trick worked wonderfully. Too bad I sent it to my husband instead. FML
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Top comments
beastmode707 1
Should have been a real gun
DocBastard 40
And then you set his ass on fire, right? Right? Very little pisses me off more than infidelity.
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Comments (216)
monicadempsy 5
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
Nice friend? Nah just kiddin hes really sucky
monicadempsy 5
The reason I wrote Nag Just kiddibg hes really sucky is bevause alot of people dont get irony
Roevera 14
A lot of people don't get spelling either....
ThisIsMyReign 4
1/26 - Well, I've heard every gets everything you don't get...which is everything.
onlychildFTW 34
Is his spelling really that necessary? It'd made sense to me.
Senseless_487 29
Yes, spelling is always necessary. That's why they start teaching it in first grade.
Dyer18 0
Well IT didn't make sense to me. You are right there with him
Senseless_487 29
94 - It was still wrong. "It made sense to me" would have been correct.
boydeee01 7
He's 13. Chill.
SkoomaKi 28
100 - A 13 year old should be more than capable to type a grammatically correct sentence and spell correctly. That's the thing with FML, if you don't make your comment perfect - you get down voted immediately, in some cases.
VoteForTaco 8
113-Correction. In MOST cases. 1- I love your profile picture :D
monicadempsy 5
I wrote it on my Iphone and I have really big thumbs so thats why my spelling is ******.
dylanmurre 4
Well there are people like me that have special needs, is special needs people take longer to learn stuff then other people do.
The_Hitdude 12
119- Obviously your thumbs aren't the issue of you were able to write a decent sentence like you just did. Excuses....
The_Hitdude 12
*if. Dammit...
jasmine1259 2
Damn, the grammar nazis on this site are worse than dbpb. When there's an obvious or there are multiple spelling mistakes than sure, but people make the biggest deals from one error. Get a life, or at least don't be a jerk about it. Everyone makes mistakes.
ShyAnn29 15
130 I agree with you!
hawkey126 0
Don't ask if you don't want to know. That said, still sucks.
mralwaysright124 2
113- To be grammatically correct- which you were clearly trying to be- it should say "capable of typing", rather than "capable to type".
angrystare 6
Dont play with fire, you might get burned
1094568 1
What planet are u from 75...I do not speak hgciruxhs
monicadempsy 5
125- I checked every damn letter in that sentence so you guys wouldnt complain.
dan13mey 0
191- wouldn't*
mojo87 14
130 - then not than :P
feitan98 13
How do you know he didn't go on his iPad or ******* computer it's just words for ***** sake. Also every god damn one of y'all need to calm down it's not the end of the ******* world. Y'all act like suck big ******* when something so small happens get off your high horse most of you mother ******* being grammar nazis probably didn't know even make it passed your sophomore year in high school.( sorry just reading people act so much better cause they take 15 minutes to write a sentence without bad spelling or grammar pisses me off.)
beastmode707 1
Should have been a real gun
Idonebeenhad 17
Then it wouldn't have been much of a joke, now would it?
beastmode707 1
I don't think OP cares weather or not it was much of a joke now.
beastmode707 1
Whether* damn spell check!
Roevera 14
Nah, then OP would actually contemplate using it. Then he'd wind up in jail, and his wife would be sleeping with every Tom, Dick, and Harry.
Senseless_487 29
From the sound of it, she already is!
missalkali 8
yeah. and mainly the Dicks also, alternatively to using a real gun, he was holding a lighter, just light the backstabbing douche on fire
j_cat187 20
*Op pulls out a .357* "Wanna play chicken?" Best friend craps his pants.
ProfessionalTrol_fml 14
Cheating deserves a beating! Just kidding, divorce that bitch.
laden_swallow09 35
97 - It's only humorous because it's true.
XtraEzeee 8
Or maybe she'll sleep with Tom's hairy dick?
bizarre_ftw 22
Named Johnson?
megladon 0
hey dude check out my mew camera *boom* oh wait this isnt s camera
Goldenchest 14
Maybe he was just playing along with OP..
ididntdoit1980 8
Divorce the bitch and hopefully you don't live in a no fault state so she doesn't get shit!
Ghostlyness 7
Maybe ask her first? Sheesh.
Rommel1942 9
Naw. Divorce first ask questions later xD
Axipiter 24
Roll over her with a tank. Then ask.
jojimugo 20
Sleep with her then ask
batman_516 9
Be careful what you wish for...
instnt1nfction 17
I don't recall him wishing for his friend to sleep with his wife
batman_516 9
If you read betweens the lines, I was making a comparison to not asking a question if you don't want to know the answer
xStaciexLynnx 15
If that were the case the appropriate comment would have been something like 'Dont ask, don't tell' or 'Dont ask a question you don't want to answer to' not 'Be careful what you wish for.
batman_516 9
My apologies for crediting the readers with more intelligence than they actually possess.
krewer21 1
Agreed. Implied, OP suspected, and followed through. They say ignorance IS Bliss!
palmer420 2
I'm sure you'd be saying that if your wife or husband cheated on you, your a retttard. Or your just a worthless sluuuuut and your the one doing the cheating an if that's the case it's funny knowing you get used for your pussaaaayyy. Gigity
mintcar 10
120: You're ******* What you're looking for is " you're. " -Facepalm-
ALpein 0
81 Pot calling the kettle black.
Cartera 10
Hush 81, it'll be okay.
SilentTrust 0
Your pic Made me lol'd
DocBastard 40
And then you set his ass on fire, right? Right? Very little pisses me off more than infidelity.
Snafuusmc 12
Left. ???
loserman67 36
Or bad grammar...
ThaKoolKidsKlub 3
Doc, if you get a call for a patient with 3rd degree burns on his ass. You already know why. Then you can be all like, "Slept with your best friends wife, eh?"
SLEinTN 7
And here I thought that my opinion of you couldn't be any higher...you rock Doc Bastard!
yummcookie 0
Giving you a thumbs up purely for using the word 'infidelity'
skoob1 12
Me too, let's go blow the infidels up... D-d-ch
PoorMillionaire 8
Same here man
ShelbyDugger 4
Maybe he was just "confessing " because he thought you had a really gun.
Roevera 14
Derp.
Forlorn420 9
I wish I had a really gun
PeteyPablo12308 20
Do you really?!
Enslaved 38
Admitting to having sex with another man's wife, having a gun pointed to his face doesn't seem like a wise time to confess to that sort of thing. :P What would have happened if the gun was real?
ShelbyDugger 4
Yeah... Okay well it's just a possibility .
sonrisapreciosa 6
You don't sayy.
viau 13
duh. sherlock.
white16sox 19
Commence the "divorce the bitch" comments.
white16sox 19
I know it'll be buried, I was just predicting future comments.
DocBastard 40
Except in this case, divorce actually would be warranted.
jonriise18 3
Already commenced. ^
white16sox 19
Doc, I wasn't saying the husband shouldn't divorce, I was merely predicting future comments. 24, I noticed after I made my comment.
ohmandapants 17
^ right yes, because OP should tolerate the fact that his wife cheated on him with his best friend, and god knows how many others. There are certain things that happen in a relationship that can be worked through, but once a cheater, always a cheater. It just shows her lack of respect for him.
phatdaddy62 23
Actually, you predicted the past. Wait . . .
white16sox 19
109, who was that comment directed at?
McAninch35 9
109, every time I see your picture I think of the Spongebob episode where he's a lifeguard and uses way too much sunscreen on his nose. Stupid, I know, but you guys don't know how badly I wanted to get that out there. *crawls back into hole*
ohmandapants 17
118 I clearly directed that comment to you with this ^
white16sox 19
Well then, 146, as my response to Doc said, I wasn't saying divorce isn't warranted. I was saying that there would be a bunch of comments saying "divorce the bitch."
Puolukka 4
Nope..."ö" ist not pronounced like "oo"...it is pronounced similar to the "i" in "bird" or the "ea" in "early" :)
AugustBurnsToast 14
It's funny because he actually admitted to it.
Yourheadache 19
not funny more like stupid, why would someone admitt something like that infront of a gun, i know i wouldnt.
squirrel1215 5
^ Read the FML again.
AugustBurnsToast 14
It just cracks me up imagining the extremely high amount of awkwardness that ensued as joke turned to truth.
Yourheadache 19
you read it again
8on8on 2
"Go ahead punk, make my day."
GVirdi 11
What?..
kandi_kid69 15
13- Datsik?
bmwguy01 8
13 Reference to Dirty Harry !
fuzz94 8
do you feel lucky punk? well do ya?
doctorhook86 25
"Do you feel lucky, punk?" - Dirty Harry "Go ahead, make my day." - Dirty Harry 4: Sudden Impact
SaturnV 25
A line so awesome that a real gun law is named after it.
wlddog 14
That could get interesting really quick.