Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, our pregnancy announcement was ruined by my dad who thought it would be funny to grab my boyfriend while yelling, "You got my daughter pregnant, boy! I’m going to kill you!" It wasn’t funny, there was just an awkward silence, and now this precious moment is something I’d rather forget. FML
Today, I joked with my dad, saying I'd gotten my boyfriend pregnant. In response, he slapped me, threw my phone across the room, smashed my laptop, and then took a moment for what I'd said to sink in. FML
Today, my dad walked into my school and joked around saying that he's going to shoot my boyfriend. We all laughed. Except my boyfriend. He was sobbing in a corner. FML
Today, after much deliberation, I decided to accept my parents' invitation to a family dinner. A half hour after I arrived, all hell broke loose, because my mom's pregnancy test had come back positive, and she was convinced my dad had poked holes in his own condom. FML
Today, I went to the doctor, because I've been having stomach pains and nausea for weeks. He ended up gravely telling me I'm pregnant. I freaked out and panicked about what my parents would say. Then his laughter reminded me that I'm a guy. A really stupid one. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend to meet my parents. My dad thought it'd be hilarious to act surprised and ask me if I'd already dumped the girlfriend I introduced him to yesterday. She slapped me and stormed out of the house before my dad could tell her it was a joke. FML
Today, I was at my friend's house. We were looking at her dad's guns, and I was explaining gun safety and how you should never put your finger on the trigger. I then shot a hole in the floor of her house. FML
Today, I was hanging with my mates when we found an old pregnancy test. Since I’m a guy, we thought it’d be hilarious if I took it. It came out positive, so we were roaring with laughter. That is, until someone looked up why. Turns out, I might have cancer. FML
Today, I went to my dad, hoping to confess something to him. He quickly said that if I'd got my girlfriend pregnant, he'd kill me. That's exactly what happened. I had to make up a lie instead about stealing $50 from his wallet once as a kid, which he then demanded I pay back in full. FML
Today, I was at a get-together at a friend's house. Half an hour in, it became clear that someone had farted, and we all took turns asking who it was. When someone asked me, my girlfriend chimed in with, "Oh please, if it was him, you'd all be dead." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
alex_622 22
OP, did you have a reason to be that scared?
Compgeek1996 5
"I swear I used a condom!"
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (69)
alex_622 22
OP, did you have a reason to be that scared?
LOTRspartan 14
Even if he was responsible or not, seeing a man burst in with a gun would scare almost anyone.
noah_1234 24
this is literally one of the funniest FML's i have seen...easy hall of famer
drunkmunkey 24
"I'm sorry I took your daughters virginity, I promise it won't happen again"
vikky538 29
good question...
DarkStorm2Bad 14
I'd say a bloke threatening someone with a gun qualifies as enough reason.
Compgeek1996 5
"I swear I used a condom!"
Zebediabolical 45
I swear I used the rhythm method!
martin8337 36
I swear I pulled out.
confusedAsFuck 34
I swear I'm sterile..
naajster 14
I swear we're just friends!
TheSwegMaster69 11
I just swear!
phsycic_melon 8
Ur-inesecure. See what I did there? no-one? Ok
teentee401 37
Yeah, no one.
Rallred32 20
I saw it but yeah, 'twas sordid.
giselle_is_drunk 17
You mean urine-secure
Amama_fml 30
Thanks, 37, for translating.
audreyfml1994 15
Well, at least you know that your natural reaction is to choose flight over fight.
Soloman212 28
In what strange world is podding yourself a method of flight? If anything, it's a front at the dad. He's boldly marking his territory.
jbgillas 5
Not-so boldly
IloveToLaugh143 21
Flight over fight, piss over diss. Same thing.
fuckercakes 21
Seems like a bad time to be joking like that when his daughter is very ill, sorry OP.
uglyheadedbitch 20
That's what I was thinking. She's obviously in pain at that moment, why play a dumb joke?
allie2590 31
Perhaps he is trying to cheer her up.
Zebediabolical 45
If laughter is the best medicine lets fire all the doctors and replace them with much cheaper clowns.
the_zero_article 15
We're aiming for laughter, not complete terror
dezire43 7
i was thinking that the whole thing was a joke and she wasn't sick? i could be wrong though
Garrison21 11
Wrap it before you tap it, never fails....Most of the time haha
ahippienamedrae 10
"never risk it, wrap your biscuit"
pinkster2014 25
"No glove, no love"
KittyLahv 27
"Don't be silly, wrap your willy!"
gjikvtj 18
Don't be a ________, wrap your trigger!
CoGhostRider 31
Don't be a fool cover your tool. What did the penis say to the condom?......... Cover me I'm going in!
larrena2377 26
Wrap it in latex or she'll get your paychecks.
bayy1432 14
stealing this lol
Lizardgirl 7
It's not a party without a balloon
varutha 16
I'll never understand the sense of humor that some people have..
foxwasalamb 24
then why are you on fml...?
onlychildFTW 34
Because there's more then 1 type of humour on FML? Just a guess.
mld4657 28
hopefully you had other pants
vesuviusse 4
Wow. That's kind of an intense joke...
Khaleesi_26 30
That's just to scare you off. All fathers are protective of their little daughters. Sucks about your pants though OP.