Today, I held up my best friend with a lighter shaped like a gun, and jokingly accused him of sleeping with my wife, only to have him admit that he really did. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I caught my best friend's wife being a cheating whore, and I told her either she told him the truth or I would. More fool me, she used the time I gave her to convince him I tried to sleep with her, so now he won’t believe a word I say, and he punched me in the jaw. FML
Today, I witnessed my girlfriend and best "friend" getting intimate. In a dim-witted attempt to cover up, my best friend proclaimed, "This isn't what it looks like!" I might have given him the benefit of the doubt, had he not still been inside my girlfriend at the time. FML
Today, I found out that my husband of 12 years has been sleeping with my best friend of even longer for who knows how long. She actually tried to turn it around on me and implied that it was my fault for finding out about it. FML
Today my best friend called me at 6 a.m., ranting and accusing me of sleeping with her husband. I live two hours away and haven't seen him in person in over six months. FML
Today, I saw my buddy at the mechanic's on speaker with his wife. I did a very fake female voice and said, “He’s here with me! He’s my man now!” He rushed home to see all his stuff on fire on the front lawn. I had no idea how psycho she was and now he wants to kill me. FML
Today, I caught my boyfriend cheating on me with my best friend. He actually had the balls to say her leg was asleep and he was trying to wake it up. FML
Today, I told my friend about a fight I had earlier with my girlfriend. He thought it'd be funny to use my phone while I was in the bathroom and text her "ure such a cunt". She wouldn't believe the truth, even when my friend confessed to her. She thought I paid him to take the fall. FML
Today, I was going to propose to my girlfriend of two years. I got a call from my best friend telling me he had slept with her before we went out drinking the night before. FML
Today, I went with a couple of my friends to see a friend who's fallen very ill. Her dad walked in with a gun and demanded to know which of us had gotten his daughter pregnant. By the time I realized it was a joke, I'd already pissed myself. FML
Today, I tried a trick my friend taught me; I initiated sex as my husband was getting ready for work, then guilted him when he refused. After he left, I texted my friend that her trick worked wonderfully. Too bad I sent it to my husband instead. FML
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Top comments
beastmode707 1
Should have been a real gun
DocBastard 40
And then you set his ass on fire, right? Right? Very little pisses me off more than infidelity.
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Comments (216)
SebastianG 2
Pretend you actually knew
wlddog 14
I am surprised I have not seen the "Doesn't matter had sex" comments yet.
Angelrose2004 17
Doesn't matter, had sex. There ya go!
perdix 31
People under duress will confess to anything. Wait until you hear what comes out when you jokers start fooling around with waterboards!
wlddog 14
WHAT'S THE SECRET INGREDIENT IN YOUR COOKIES!!!! *slowly pours a little water over their toweled face* Cough cough... It's love. I put love in the cookies.... Cough cough. *pours more water* HOW MUCH DO YOU USE ??!!
Roevera 14
She didn't have enough love for him after she put it all into her cookies. Damn those cookies were good though..
alleniverson76er 0
Learn how to spell
twisted_cherub 14
153- Exactly who are you talking to? I'm, like, the Hitler of the Grammar Nazis and I'm not finding anything in this thread. *After further examination, I realize Perdix used "with" where I'm sure he meant to use "will". However, that is most likely a typing slip since "with" is used much more often than "will" (especially since "will" is usually attached to the end of a word as "'ll") and not a spelling error.
jonriise18 3
Cos if it is true I'm sure the first thing she'll do is admit it to ya!!! She wouldn't lie! She's not like that! Oh wait...
woRRdz 8
WTF! Besides divorcing the b**ch. kick her out and whatever she leaves behind. Burn it. Just a suggestion. Though sorry to hear that bro..
azrael_xx 14
How horrible, so much for calling him your best friend. Should've fried his ass
missamerica95 0
I think the saying "I prayed to God to protect me from my enemies and then I started losing friends" is applicable here.
Isquatjarz 0
Yeah, so did I :/
lookingforlovee 0
Why would you even joke about that anyways?
dadof2Es 2
Great point. Who does that?
wlddog 14
Duh!!! And uncaringness should stop as well because that's hurty.
Snafuusmc 12
Better pop the trunk on his bitch ass!
karkid619 8
And whatcha gon get the carseat?