Today, I woke up face-down in my grandfather's driveway, soaking wet with no pants, glitter in my hair, and holding an empty Skippy peanut butter jar. No one will tell me what happened. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I woke up naked, duck-taped to the wall, with no memory of last night. FML
Today, my mom woke me up and asked if I wanted breakfast. I had passed out naked on the kitchen floor after a party. FML
Today, I woke up fully clothed, trying to remember the night's events. I walk to the den to awkwardly ask my dad for a ride to my car and he points to the computer. A pic of me passed out on the bathroom floor is now our new wallpaper. My skirt was around my knees. He sent it to everyone we know. FML
Today, I went to a party with a friend. All I remember is passing out on the couch. About 10 minutes ago, I was woken up by a bucket of cold water and thrown out by the guy who lives there. I'm still dripping and very cold, and I have no idea where the hell I am. FML
Today, I had a massive craving for peanut butter and jelly. While making a sandwich, the jar slipped from my hands, bounced off the counter, and exploded all over my kitchen. Now I have peanut butter and jelly in places I didn't even know existed. FML
Today, I woke up at a guy's house drunk and soaked in my own pee. I had passed out with all my clothes on. Since I was late for work and didn't have a change of clothes, all I could do was throw my jeans in the dryer. I had to sit all day at work in crusty pee pants. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking in my backyard. All I was wearing were my boxers and one sock. I staggered up to see my car halfway through my garage wall, with a note saying, "Sorry dude". FML
Today, I woke up in the shower at my coworker's house, with my clothes on and soaking wet. Apparently, the night before I drank too much and punched my best friend. The sad part is, I passed out on the couch, but somehow ended up in the shower, facing the wrong way. FML
Today, I was at a family dinner, which had gone into meltdown after my aunt said something sarcastic about my mother's drinking. I went out for some fresh air and stumbled about in the dark, unaware of the fact that a pool was being dug. I fell into the huge hole and lost a shoe. FML
Today, as I was walking home, I felt my feet slip out from under me and I face-planted in the slushy, dirty, melting snow. I rolled over, completely soaked, and attempted to get up, thinking no one saw me. A mail-man then passed me without offering to help, and said, "I've seen worse." FML
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Top comments
marmots 0
It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.
cwmbear 0
was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?
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Comments (285)
marmots 0
It sounds like you've been partying with Ke$ha.
ZombieeeeUnicorn 1
PEANUT BUTTER!!!!! :D
L3Paparazzo 7
hangover part III ? :P
LetItRise 0
yeah budddyy
chino627 0
14 he is a one man wolf pack
elat4lolz 0
goddam it 14, stole the words from my mouth haha :)
ThoraxeTheImpale_fml 0
it's not glitter in your hair...
toastyjustice 5
cocaine's a hell of a drug
PurpleRae420 0
And you really wanna know? You couldve been ****** a dude for all you know
FNFPhilly 0
well since all the witty jokes are gone I guess this Fml Is wiped clean
falluke17 0
it happens...
hobojo11 0
psh atleat you were not spooning a naked midget wile in a clow suit in a motel room with no car....
i_lol_at_life 12
You, sir, have been raped by a vampire....
Takador 3
God dammit #1 stole my comment
urdirtyolduncle 15
Bite my nuts and call me Skippy! Skippy Squeeze!
blake4months 0
TROLOLOL I was gonna say the same thing
number99 3
sounds like someone had some groundies
IscoreOnU 19
He should be happy he didn't wake up with butt plugs too.
laurbear12 3
14 you are gorgeous...and no I'm not a lesb :) just sayin
whippymcdumb4zs 0
that's what happens when u play with LSD
coltsluvr123 2
hahaha I was gonna say the same thing
kiran11 2
dido
EagorLuvsBigFoot 8
I was gonna say with Brittany spears but same idea :P
zendaddy0 0
or you just took a hit of Charlie sheen
monkeebalz 0
sounds like the hangover 3...
funnyFMLSplz 0
don't steal my awesome picture Kiran i'll eat you D:
MileyCyrusIsHot 5
I was gonna say that too lol
Shytinonmyself 3
sounds like the plot of hangover 3
CsDy1395 6
I know what happened ;)
gunner83 1
I have had nights like that.
ericownz101 0
sounds like my typical friday night
kut19 6
OP and Ke$ha danced with no pants on! HOLLER!
iceymouse17 4
Those would be great lyrics
monkeyhead641 6
No it dosent
bettyboy 4
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
@1, or with me. ;)
Oohgaloof 0
The only explanation I can conjure is that your grandfather somehow drugged you unconscious, dress'd you up like a little glittery faerie princess, role playing that you somehow got caught stealing peanut butter and being naughty, so butt-f**king you as a punishment. Oh, and you tried to run but he caught up with you in the driveway. That's probably how it happened.
copycat148 0
haha ^ just what i was thinking but i thought that was my life story O_O
gregmoran 0
I think your comment is awesome. don't listen to those silly pants.
uffiewuffie 0
You're not funny. The original comment was funnier.
andrew_thomson 9
just be glad you didn't did a tiger in your bathroom? The Hangover
fatalkiss 0
Kinda wanna thumb you down just for explaining what you're quoting. That just takes it away from your whole comment... It's way more awesome if people just read a quote & automatically know what's it from. Well, in my opinion at least, hah.
Kawboy 1
^^ I agree
towboater198425 6
it is obvious your quoting the hangover, did you have to say so too! op must be a retard!
towboater198425 6
it's obvious your referring to the hangover, did you have to say so too? the op must be a retard!
xxGheTToGumbYxx 16
you mean a ritard
anggface 0
ahaha!! ^ (:
RedPillSucks 33
Well, there are people who haven't watched "The Hangover". future FML, I guess...
LolaD18 1
At least there wasn't a hobo in your sink.
Matt_Lord_Of_The 3
Well done. quoting another FML Goodstuff
THEKAISER 4
or a tiger in your bathroom
EmperorPsycho 0
orrrr *insert animal in room/object*
andrew9623 9
Or ke$ha in your tub
yawndiver 2
You did drugs.
whiteboy7thst 2
Drugs with funny names.
alex1432 9
he had a jeffrey
agaba 0
haha
MiGman 5
181 a Jeffery is pretty much a blunt made with mostly weed but practically moat other types of drugs. haha as explained it get him to the greek
AceArctic 4
Nobody is scared of a Jeffrey!
cwmbear 0
was it smooth or crunchy peanut butter?
DrJesse 10
That is the single most important question ever asked by anybody in the entire history of time and space.
Bravo11 14
It changes everything.
whoa_is_failz 6
thats the real mystery here
JustOhSoLovely 6
how much was left in the jar?
Soulcatcherteej 6
I mean, let's be honest. the answer to that question can change all the options.
Lizzylibeth 2
because that makes a whole lot of difference.
kellz9395 1
it says "Skippy" right there, dumbass.
Missy612 14
Damn I love that extra crunch!
Bcfrmkc816 17
Doesn't mean it was crunchy or not
Amanyyyyyy 29
It doesn't matter, the FML states the jar was empty.
fatalkiss 0
You probably just passed out & they did that shit to you to **** with you. That, or you got raped by Edward Cullen.
aeshleyrose 6
Fatalkiss, if I were a cop, I'd write you a ticket for being awesome. Well played.
Zombieslayer1 0
fatalkiss, I love you! it was the peanut butter that told you wasn't it?
Michele2luv 8
total win ^_^
iheartzombiesyo 0
you irritate meeeee(: ive seen you on almost every FML comments ive read. & i just started paying attention to comments today. you should ferreallllll feel all accomplished and such. :PPPP
zendaddy0 0
nah Edwards all ready f*cing some chick with bad acting
fatalkiss 0
Ha, no, I don't comment to feel some sort of pride of achievement, it's just something I do to pass time. I couldn't really sleep, so I read a lot of FML...a lot. Nothing cured my insomnia like the realization that it was time to get up for work x(
MegamiKaosu 28
Fatal I do the same thing, I lay in bed qwith my iPod and usually kill the battery before going to bed or needing to get up
MfailK 0
rape is nothing to joke about. just kidding
MfailK 0
it's awesome
Lindsaykae 0
hahahaha!!
kyle1991 0
just remember it's not rape if you yell surprise!!!!!
Bcfrmkc816 17
Who does?
chickunkey 0
the plot for the new hangover movie
roflcopter423 0
i was about to write the exact same comment
Clouded_Rhino 0
same. lmfao
ZombieKnickers_fml 8
Fat Jesus slip you some rapeies by any chance? I'm guessing Edward Cullen comes into the story at some point.
FMLucky 5
are you Ke$ha?
Taurusbaybe 8
Acid, that's what happened.
boykyle 0
you remember what happened on acid... it's wonderful
dannyboy66 7
acid gives you wings remember that children :)