Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
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Top comments
TMO2142 25
Ezio has all his fingers though
bnbhimp 10
Dum dum dumb
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Comments (95)
I can't stand leg puns! 23
Actually Ezio has his finger cut off near the end of Assassin's Creed 2, when he finds out that all of his BFFs were actually Assassins the whole time. Still, I see your point, FYL
OverFlash 15
Nope. Altaïr removed that tradition. Instead, Assassins got branded on their ring finger.
TKPhai 21
Someone's been playing too much video games!
RealSuperSand 21
Your son went full retard. You never go full retard.
mbethel 14
wow
Bluebering 16
Ezio has all fingers altaïr is missing 1 from each hand
Zarcissa 34
No, only his left ring finger is gone.
conflictedebola 20
Having kids reminds of of one of my favorite Assassin's Creed quotes. "Safety and peace, Malik." "Your presence here deprives me of both."
the_moogly 4
I have to wonder if they ever got past the intro stages of AC2. They seem to have played AC1 though.
Emily_Daley 4
*Altair, he was the assassin who was missing his ring finger. Ezio didn't need to remove his finger since the blade was rebuilt or "updated".
cooer 10
but ezio has all his fingers
Dragonskiss 9
Reques gadin parche Rest in peace finger