Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, I woke up in the middle of the night to a figure holding a knife above me. After I screamed in terror, the figure burst into laughter. It was my mom. She did this as payback for me not washing the dishes last night after making food. FML
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Top comments
HeyArnold91 8
I would give my dad the biggest guilt trip.
zandalee 20
You sound like a very good daughter! Sorry about your hand OP.
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Comments (75)
funnynesh 10
Show it to your dad and tell him that that's what happens when you do dishes. (in revenge)
PizzaRollsss 5
The point is so his dad does the dishes, not to give him more reason not to. Edit: I think I misread your comment if I did, sorry but if not the other comment stands lol.
SuperKnuckels 6
wait wait. she left, the kitchen!?!? I was in my bedroom, wanking while watching guys build sheds.
onlychildFTW 34
Really 58? (To the first part) What the hell are you talk about??? (To the second part)
MisterMichael 9
At least it was still the knife thing to do
axelpinap 2
Too spoon
p3mguin 7
What the fork are you guys rambling about?
annie_nk 23
Anyone got a good spork pun?
clueless05 12
These puns are terrible, cut it out!
DracoSpirita 21
Now, I'm napkin'na be too long here. OP's dad should have manned the fork up and done his own chores so OP wouldn't have to. If this continues, spoon OP will be covered in stitches. He or she is probably eating with a spork right now. (the spork one was lame, I know, but I tried my best. :D)
gc327072 31
These puns are forkin' lame.
DracoSpirita 21
I apologize for my horrible puns. I'll vote myself down now. /hides in hole of shame/
ohSNAPyall 27
Well plate.
Kn0wledge123 21
Are you guys kitchen me?
kriz_allizwell 6
That was chore sweet!
ManInTheMachine 20
54-I don't know how you pronounce 'chore' where it would even remotely sound like 'so'.
ALlamaOnFire 20
56 - I think it was meant to sound like 'sure' not 'so'
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Dish thread is such a load of crock-ery!!
PunkPositive 12
lol
zandalee 20
You sound like a very good daughter! Sorry about your hand OP.
MURIKKA 11
Ahem. Sons are capable of doing dishes too.
patrickalamo 48
Ahem, but women are so much better at it... LMAO,
IOmnomHard 10
That'll teach you to do something nice for someone...
hopsinlove17 26
You should always try to do something nice for someone. Especially if you need a favor in the future from that person.
IOmnomHard 10
You should learn to recognize sarcasm...
hopsinlove17 26
I did. I was just stating the first thing that popped in my head from reading your comment. Don't be an ass.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
You shouldn't try to counter sarcasm with seriousness. They are two different philosophies...
HeyArnold91 8
I would give my dad the biggest guilt trip.
ViQValentine 3
I'm pretty sure I would just bitch xD
Dracoboxer357 36
Agreed, it appears no good deed goes unpu issued after all. :p
botanistjessica 24
You need lower-cut pants.
drewcat21 0
Well obviously you sat around while they piled up as well? Unless of course you were just visiting there or something but if not well don't let it pile up so much next time!
MissMess 12
Perhaps OP has other regular household chores that she does, and in that case it wouldn't be her 'job' to do them in the first place. Note that the FML says mom was trying to teach dad a lesson, not OP and dad.
drewcat21 0
Understood, but growing up I always had many chores(I grew up on a farm). So I had chores everyday but if we saw something that needed to be done well we did it. That's like if you work somewhere and you see a piece of trash somewhere you don't just walk by it cause you're not the janitor. You pick it up.
sirpantselot 22
We have no reason to believe OP isn't a grown up.
Adula 14
If I found some trash on the floor I would obviously pick it up, but if I saw that floor needs vacuuming I would just remind my dad to do it since it's his chore. Yes, I'm lazy.
MissMess 12
Same haha. I point out to my partner when his chores need doing. I might occasionally do his stuff but I've got my own housework to be getting on with lol.
drewcat21 0
39. I said if the op didn't live there it would be a different story?
jetsown08 21
So pretty much, you took a knife for your dad. Can anybody say extra cake for dessert?
gc327072 31
I wonder what OP'd do for a Klondike bar then.. O_o
annie_nk 23
You're a good kid. Some kids won't do the dishes even they're bribed. Sorry about your hand and the miscommunication.
severe_fml 3
When playing with knives, hold them by the handle OP
NothingsEasy 4
You don't say?!?!
nvolpitta 2
That's actually happened to me before too.. Minus cutting my my finger on a knife.
MURIKKA 11
You did some dishes and then just randomly ended up in the hospital?