Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
TMO2142 25
Ezio has all his fingers though
bnbhimp 10
Dum dum dumb
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (95)
bnbhimp 10
Dum dum dumb
TMO2142 25
Ezio has all his fingers though
Ozzien 26
Yep, Altaïr's the one who cut off a finger.
arano 29
It's true. They only cut off their fingers to get the assassins blade, but during the revolution they changed the technology. Your son is a moron.
TonierShadow 19
Ya, your right. Leonardo Da Vinci told Ezio that he made some improvements to bypass the loss of the ring finger.
Dinonick 15
Plus even if he did say Altiar, cutting the ring finger off was more out of necessity to use the blade than any ceremony. Unless he plans on using a 13th century hidden blade, cutting off a finger isnt a requirment to stab someone
Soparot 29
Well let's hope he was doing it because he thought he had to in order to become an assassin rather than so he can stab someone with a hidden blade.
Drakone 9
I'm pretty sure the only true way to be in the order is to be branded with the assassins symbol.
sylvienoir 18
If by "necessity to use the blade" you mean that they had to vow to take no wife so that they can be completely devoted to the Order, then yeah.
Wafalafaugus 18
The design of the blade required the removal of the finger, not a vow. In order for this flaw to be resolved, it required the knowledge garnered from an Apple of Eden.
jkp1291 25
#72 Two or three of the characters had wives though. That has nothing to do with being an assassin in terms of Assassin's Creed
nelbom1234 8
It has nothing to do with it, besides Altair, who is the only one actually cutting his finger off, has his blade on his right arm and it's the left finger that is used to symbolize marriage
stuckanemone7 7
So not only are they stupid, they clearly haven't played the game?
UsagiArwen 23
Not to mention that all of these people in the games were supposedly Desmond's ancestors, insinuating they all, at some point, married, or at the very least procreated. Desmond tapped into Altair, Ezio, and Connor.
DonkeyKongDaddy 13
yea but leonardo said it as a joke
deamonic 8
no, in the first few creed (think just 1/2) before davinci, the blade would jut out from the dust where the ring finger generally sat, and so they cut off their right ring fingers(this also stopped them from wearing wedding rings)
justsayapple42 7
Actually, I'm pretty sure he cut off like the upper part of one of his fingers, so he could make room for the hidden blade
emanhernandez 22
Right they don't cut it of they brand his finger
zuvi9 21
He's obviously never played ACII.
SoloAutotunE 17
Yeah, Ezio never cut his finger off because it was a joke from Leonardo
aylind 18
How old is he? I think you need to sit him down and remind him about the difference between fantasy and reality.
Zakaman 10
And tell him that ezio didn't cut off any of his fingers
xxkrystalxx 14
Yeahh, if your son and his friend thought that was a good idea i think you, your son and his friend and parents need to have a talk.
doodlecloud 27
I'm so curious to know if they're like 5 or 15 years old. Or God forbid, 25.
I_Like_Dogs 28
I'd still be concerned if he was 5 and playing Assassins Creed.
tantanpanda 26
he'd have to be pretty smart at 5 to understand the plot and dialogue.
doodlecloud 27
I wouldn't expect then to be playing the storyline but they might have seen the merchandise, or watched/played with an older sibling, cousin, etc. I know young children who have played GTA, CoD, etc. so it does happen unfortunately.
Matayaz 16
...the level of stupidity from some people Is way too high.
redhead_sprhro 10
That kids going places... Not college, but places
Misskreher 30
To the emergency room?
FlightofAcidFox 18
having it reattached is going to teach him what it won't do for him.
extrasnipes 22
*spoiler* Kinda anyways Just to clarify Ezio has all his fingers because the hidden blade doesn't require the finger as a sacrifice anymore after Leonardo adjusts it,
OverFlash 15
Not Leonardo, Altaïr.
Tavers 19
No, Leonardo. Altaïr, at the time, believed in the method of cutting off the middle finger as a way to show dedication to the cause. Leonardo redesigned the mechanism so that Ezio didn't have to lose his finger.