Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I was washing the dishes when I gave myself a nasty gash on my leg from the open dishwasher door. After five minutes of cleaning up the blood and wrapping it up, I came back to finish the job only to drop a plate and send broken shards into my foot. FML
Today, while washing dishes for my friend, I managed to break an unbreakable glass and slice my hand open on it. FML
Today, whilst stacking the dish washer I dropped a steak knife. Luckily, I caught it just before it hit my foot. I fist-pumped to celebrate my amazing catch and stabbed myself in the cheek. My parents couldn't stop laughing all the way to the hospital. FML
Today, I was washing dishes after eating Christmas leftovers. I pulled a knife out of the drying rack and put it away to avoid cutting myself on it, yet I still managed to scrape my thumb on an errant fork in the sink. FML
Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML
Today, I was rushing with the dishes when I scraped against a very sharp knife, which left a noticeable cut right down my wrist. No one believes my story that it was a freak kitchen accident, they think that I’m either an attention seeking fucknut, or crying out for help. FML
Today, I was emptying the cutlery section of the dishwasher when I reached down and accidentally got the tip of a steak knife wedged half-way under my fingernail. My mum yelled at me for getting blood on the clean dishes. FML
Today, I was in the shower washing my hair when my hand ran down the shower caddy and in particular, on my razor. If I wasn't woozy from all the blood splatter around the shower - seeing the bone that connects my finger definitely did it. FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
blaucha 0
what an asshole.
Komatose 0
You should've stabbed him/her and then said "You're right, these dishes do need cleaning."
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (110)
blaucha 0
what an asshole.
hubbabubbba 0
bitch
sircletus 0
she wanted to clean up the blood you got on her dishes haha. I'm glad I'm rich and don't have to clean dishes I never have never will.
OwenMcAwesome 0
That's why you don't try to do a womans job.
Shyman4ever 0
Lucky it wasn't your wrist
greekgal44 14
agreed.
Antonio718 0
You should of told her to go to hell
bpetal 0
Who said it was a her?
Adair_fml 0
ouch!
bianchieiei 13
I thought tong was the meaning of thong...jus realised how dumb i was:/
666midnight 0
can't blame them, do you know how hard it is to get blood off plates after it dries?! lmao sucks to be you tho =P
msclvr1996 0
How do you know how hard it is to get blood off a plate? Psycho.
Zwink 0
dude, watch out and some people need to be nmore careful with how they place things in the drainer
aquariusbeauty 0
# 3 - Agreed
Hiljaisen_susi 0
I think you need some new friends...
andelizastrin 0
Nice friend. What an asshole. Sorry about your arm. I can only imagine how much that hurts :
Shinyminey 0
First of all, look before you want to go impale yourselves on knives. And also I agree with #4 :D
Komatose 0
You should've stabbed him/her and then said "You're right, these dishes do need cleaning."