Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, we finished redecorating my kitchen. My dad has been his usual OCD self about getting it perfect, so when he noticed a shelf was just barely not level, he decided to adjust the screws. It fell off and damaged my floor, so he threw the screwdriver and cracked a wall tile. Thanks dad. FML
Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML
Today, I was haunted by the knowledge that my father watched me slit my wrists without doing a damn thing or batting an eyelid, but when I took the steak knife to the breadboard to release my tension, he was so upset, he took the dog, drove to the east coast, and spent the night in the car. FML
Today, my dad set my hair on fire while cooking. He then tried to convince me that it spontaneously combusted. FML
Today, my son watched some ridiculous Japanese cartoon about shokugeki cooking and is convinced he's the greatest cook ever by copying what happens in the show. He set fire to my frying pan, panicked, and dumped it in the ceramic sink, which cracked from the heat and flooded my kitchen. FML
Today, I walked into the kitchen to find my father trimming his pubes over the bin with our kitchen scissors. FML
Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML
Today, my dad's order of hair clippers arrived. I've been putting off getting a haircut for a while now, and he offered to give me one for free. Long story short, he managed to ruin the hair clippers, and I now look like a diseased palm tree. FML
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Top comments
Hangryko 32
Bill him for the replacements as well as anything he uses in the future. He won't respect your property, he has to pay for it.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
It can be thin and long.
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Comments (5)
Hangryko 32
Bill him for the replacements as well as anything he uses in the future. He won't respect your property, he has to pay for it.
RichardPencil 32
A crack can't be "giant" and "hairline" at the same time. It can be one or the other.
Earl_KarmasBitch 36
It can be thin and long.
RichardPencil 32
I should know, right? ;)
Wadlaen 24
Sounds like daddy needs a serious talk about a couple of things...
Kyle Stroud 1
Throw the entire dad out. He's defective.