Today, I had to grab a large kitchen knife from my son, after I heard him convince his friend to join him in cutting off his finger, so they could "be assassins like Ezio." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, while trying to put something into the almost full waste bin, I cut myself with a razor blade that my son had thrown in there. It was surprisingly sharp, and my finger started pissing blood. FML
Today, I was helping tidy up after my girlfriend's flat warming. I went to put a sharp kitchen knife in the sink while she was washing dishes, and stabbed her in the finger instead. FML
Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML
Today, my nineteen-year-old son attempted to mug me. With a screwdriver. FML
Today, I was helping my friend wash dishes. As I went to grab some tongs to dry them, I impaled my forearm on a knife that was sticking blade up. My friend wanted to finish the dishes before taking me to the hospital. FML
Today, I learned how to sharpen a knife. I sharpened it so well that it went through my finger like a lightsaber. FML
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, my dad met my boyfriend for the first time. He soon "casually" took a huge knife from the kitchen drawer and told my boyfriend that he's always wondered what it'd be like to stab someone. FML
Today, as part of his crusade to drive me mad by “helping” in the kitchen, my dad used an entire bottle of expensive olive oil I brought from Greece to make fried bread for his breakfast, and he used the edge of my Japanese chef's knife to loosen a screw, so it now has a giant hairline crack. FML
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Top comments
TMO2142 25
Ezio has all his fingers though
bnbhimp 10
Dum dum dumb
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Comments (95)
jumpshot32 11
Hopefully you live in a 1 story house or else you might find him jumping off the roof
RedWolf16 21
Hopefully, OP can make a pile leaves or a haystack to cushion his fall.
newburton13 26
Ezio never cut off his fingers. His ancestors did so they could use hidden blades, but by the time Ezio came around hidden blades didn't require someone to cut off a finger.
worldclassrager 41
Da Vinci modified the weapon so that wouldn't happen...maybe a review of that scene wouldn't be a bad idea
red_head_magee 7
anon your son is an idiot altiar was the 9 fingered one ezio had all
Soparot 29
So he's an idiot because he got Altair and Ezio mixed up, but not because he tried to cut not only his, but also his friend's fingers off?
Xealkry 18
It seems some kids are just way to influenced and just don't know what's wrong about it.
alex_gen 39
Put a wheelbarrow of hay outside his window while you're at it!
Eivana 37
Hey, at least they aren't trying to cut off their whole arms!
SilentSin 23
It's Altaïr that has a finger missing. Lol
Bryce8 11
Game is rated 17+ I don't think your child should be playing rated M games. It's not a babysitter. The only person you can blame is yourself.
Zarcissa 34
Ezio is/was hot, though.